Hello,

I’m at a bit of a loss and need women‘s advice on this. As the title says, my ex called me at 5am in the morning, while I was asleep, and left me a very concerning voicemail. She was slurring her speech (I’m guessing drunk), and left a 5 minute voicemail.

The details revolve around her really struggling, that she needs help, that she wants to get better, and that I need to tell her what to do. That she doesn’t want to kill herself and she’s sorry for calling me and wanting to delete this message and that she’s always wished the best for me, and concluded that that she wants to have babies and that that might make her happy.

I only listened to it later in the day today. Because of the random hour and the long VM, I thought this must have been a butt dial or she fell asleep on her phone or something. But after listening to it, I panicked because it sounded like she basically made her last call before offing herself. She has a history of depression and used to be on antidepressants when we were together.

I rang her back but she didn’t pick up. In return, she sent me a text that she’s ashamed and doesn’t remember what she said. I don’t believe her.

For context:

I ended it with her more than 12 years ago. It was as amicable as can be, there was no big fight or drama, just sadness.

She has sent me a few emails since that time, mostly reminiscing. I responded the first couple of times inquiring about her well-being, but never engaged beyond that. The last couple emails I didn’t engage at all. The last she sent was at the beginning of the pandemic.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a partner who I’ve been with for a little over 10 years. We have our usual long term relationship problems, but are still together and I love my partner, my daughter and my family.

Ex knows this as far as I can tell. My Partner however can be very jealous and lack empathy when it comes to my exes. There was one Ex (F39) at the start of our relationship that reached out because her father was about to die from cancer and she needed help in dealing with the doctors and her family who were struggling. She accused that other ex of using her dying father to win me back and begged and cried that I stay out of it. I did, Ex‘s father died and I knew through others that her family was suffering, especially her little sister who had really taken to me. Took me a long time to get over the guilt of abandoning them.

So my question is, what do I do? I feel like I can’t in good conscience ignore a cry for help like this. I was thinking of letting my partner hear that voicemail and ask her to trust me as I deal with a suicidal person.

I’m worried she won’t let me and I wonder if I’d be an asshole for standing my ground. For additional context, my ex lives in a different country, I haven’t seen her and I don’t Plan on doing anything else but talk to her.

Any advice?

Tl;dr suicidal drunk ex rang me at the wee hours asking for help and I want to help her but need to deal with a jealous partner