I am MtF and have been on hormones for almost 6 months now. I have a boyfriend and despite being together for 4 years we've never gone beyond blowjobs and handjobs for him. For me it seems like only my hand can get me there. In the past I chalked up my reluctance to go all the way to hating my body and thought we could finally do it after I started HRT but my libido has gotten so low it's hard for my body to get in the mood. It's like my brain wants to do it but my body can't be bothered. Also, I've tried toys in there before and every time it felt like his ocean of emotion that I just couldn't process and it felt weird.
But even with all that I want to try it with him but I don't even know where to start. Do I clean myself out? Do I try to stretch myself out beforehand? When will I know i'm ready? How do I bring it up with my boyfriend? What if he's not interested? Do I just tell him I want sex one day?