Hi everyone. I want to start off by saying that I have never talked to a transgender person before, not for any reason other than that I’ve just never crossed paths with anyone that I at least knew was transgender/non-binary. That being said, if I say something or use a term that is offensive, I beg forgiveness because I’m just not sure how to address different things. Here’s the deal.

My wife’s best friend has been married for 5 years. Very recently, her husband approached her and told her that he wanted to transition to living as a female. (As he hasn’t started to transition yet, and for story clarification, I’ll use the gender pronouns he/him while speaking about the husband. If this is inappropriate, once again, I apologize.)

He told her that becoming a father made him realize that he didn’t love or accept himself, and that for years he had been struggling with his identity. When he came to that realization, he wanted to stop denying who he really was and live as a woman. First of all, I can’t imagine the courage it took to even have the conversation.

He would like to stay married throughout and after transition, so they tried to figure out how they could still be compatible in marriage. In the end, however, she said that she just can’t do that because she isn’t attracted to women, and so she is filing for divorce. But she supports his transition, and they are in counseling together right now, because they are both committed to successfully co-parenting their two-year old twins. At this time, the plan is for them to live close to each other and split time with the children 50/50.

My question is: how can my wife and I support both of them? I want to make sure I don’t say or do anything inadvertently that could cause tensions, or hinder his transition, especially if it helps self-acceptance and facilitates self-love.

This is all really new territory for me, and so any advice y’all might be willing to give would be so appreciated!