FYI, this post gets weirdly sexual. I wish it didn't, but I'm not the one who wants to be talking to my mom about my sex life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So last night my mom talked to me for an hour and a half (right before I was going to study and go to bed, might I add) and holy fucking shit it was a nightmare. For context, I'm 18 MtF, pre-HRT and hoping to start over the summer before yeeting off to college. Now I thought my mom was at least somewhat ok with this, but uh... NOPE. Even if she decides not to help fund my transition, I'm still determined to somehow make this work out for myself, that's not the main issue here. The main issue is that she kept (inadvertently? I think?) using transphobic/TER language and seemingly trying to make me feel bad for wanting to transition.

So the conversation started with me telling her that I was stressed about coming out to my other family members, not even because I thought they'd react poorly, just because I have a very passive personality that makes it hard for me to bring up even simple conversation topics. Eventually, though, she started steering the conversation in a very weird direction. She ended up telling me that she thought I would be crazy not to wait at least 3-4 years and that I can't properly make this decision because I'm an emotional 18-year-old... or some bullshit like that. For reference, my egg only cracked 4-5 months ago, but realistically if I'm confident in the decision I don't think I have any need to force myself to be miserable for another few years just to "be sure" or whatever. She also kept saying that this was making her feel terrible and that she wanted answers, a lot of them. She wants to know "where this came from". See, she's convinced that someone at school I had a relationship with abused me since I happen to have a pretty hefty number of toys for someone my age (a byproduct of going to a boarding school that doesn't check mail). Of course, I have told her what feels like hundreds of times that that is not the case, but oh well. I guess she thinks I was somehow abused into being trans? Which like, no, I wasn't. Though she won't believe me, this was 100% my decision, and the only influence anyone else had was that my ex-bf (the same dude she thinks abused me, btw) introduced me to crossdressing. But she wants to know why I'm the way I am, and she won't stop asking me.

She also ended up ranting to me about how it'd be bad if I couldn't have an orgasm. She's convinced that bottom surgery almost always ends horribly and that there won't be any feeling and I won't be able to put anything in there (have I mentioned how uncomfortable I am talking about this?). Moreover, she thinks it's "fucked up" that I have a hard time orgasming with someone else. This is because I (what a surprise) hate my dick because I (what a surprise) am trans (no fucking way). Like yeah, sexual health is important, but I feel like she really isn't obligated to know these things. Ultimately, I came out of the conversation crying and wondering if she was (again, hopefully inadvertently) trying to gaslight me somehow.

Ok so now to ask some actual questions. For one, how much of this am I really obligated to tell her? I get that she's my parent and she cares about me and blah blah blah, but come on, this feels way over the line. Do these questions come off as overly intrusive or creepy? Am I being a bitch for trying to hold back this information? Do I have any need to "justify" my transness to her, and either way how can I explain to her why she should or shouldn't care? And, though I am technically free to make this decision on my own, is there any way I can explain to her the importance of HRT for trans people and why it's pretty fucked up to tell me to wait? Sorry for such a long and weird post, but I appreciate you for reading, and any answers at all will be very helpful. Thanks!