So I am MtF, have been transitioning for for 3 years (on hormones living as genderfluid for 2 years and then going fulltime femle the last 12 months). I have been out to all my friends during this time and everyone I am close with are super cool and go out of their way to gender me correctly. A while ago an old friend I've known since school got engaged and he recently sent me an invite to his bucks parts. I didn't initially reply because I was kind of busy and just hadn't had time to think about it, but after a couple of days he contacted me in a bit of an anxious fluster. He was super worried he had offended me for inviting me to his bucks, because it is an all guy event and he hasn't invited any of his female friends, it dawned on him that he may have invalidated my gender by doing so while at the same time being extremely torn because he really wanted me there (presenting as myself of course). I found it more endearing and sweet than anything and sort of laughed it off and said it didn't worry me. I've been to plenty of bucks and hens nights since transitioning. So of course I said I would love to come.

At the time the invite came out there wasn't too much detail on what we would actually be doing, but now it turns out it is becoming a fairly overly testosterone fueled sporting and drinking event. He plays football and the majority of the guys going are from his sporting club, as well as a few other guys I went to school with. They have set the event up as a 4 team casual football tournament as well as other "feats of strength" type activities (weight lifting, tug of war, competitive boot camp stuff), and then basically going straight from there on a shuttle bus to go drinking and strip clubs. The thought of it is actually making me incredibly dysphoric. Pretty much other bucks parties I have been to havn't been macho to this sort of level. Like we have gone to the races, or charter sailing or normal pub crawls. I'm not much of a rough sporting person. I am incredibly fit because I do figure skating, but have never been into team sports like football. I have alot of dysphoric memories related to this, because I was a fairly sensitive kid my parents pushed me into soccer and football and other cotact sports to try and "toughen me up" a bit. It didn't work and I hated every minute of it (oh why didn't they let me be a figure skater). There's also no plan for anyone to have decent time to get ready after the games either, basically just change your clothes and douse in deoderant kind of plan maybe a quick rinse if theres time. As people who present femme would know, it doesn't quite work like that for us. I'm worried about getting hurt, I'm a very small build 5'5 trans girl. I'm also just feeling a little unsafe being around those kind of guys, not to prejudice them or anything they could be super nice, but I'm not sure if the ones I don't know might be transphobic (or at least arn't on the surface until you get some drinks into them.

I just dont' know what to do. I really want to go for my friend and to catch up with other but I'm feeling very dysphoric about it and feel like I will be very out of my comfort zone :(

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