I'm a junior in high school right now and I've had such a shit second semester. I've missed a lot of school due to dysphoria related depression anxiety, and while finals week is approaching I've entered crunch time trying to make up work while balancing the possibility of hormones, dealing with my brother's reaction to my trans-ness and rise in Trans Visibility thanks to North Carolina.

To make matters worse, despite providing every document they asked for from my psychiatrist, every therapist I've had this year, and (for the most part) choosing school over my mental health I have been told that I'm not doing enough and have missed too much this semester, so now they're making my anxiety fifty fucking times worse by telling me that I have to have a meeting with some administrator about truancy and I'll probably lose credit, have to repeat this year, and then they plan on taking me to truancy court. Despite the fact that I have been an A/B student all year in high level courses while tending to come to school despite whatever illness, physical or mental, I was suffering from.

To make matters worse....again, my school counsellor, who up until now has been very helpful, is attacking me too. She told me Friday when I met with her that "I was too single minded on HRT" and that I was being selfish by missing school for anxiety and depression. Despite the fact I have tried my fucking hardest all year round cope with my everfun mental illnesses and the pressure of my junior year. Her reasoning for my obsession with HRT Is that "there's no way the human mind is that stubborn that you can't cope with this without the help of medicine. Plus, why would it be so hard to get if it was a miracle pill?" Then, after being chewed out for crying, I was told to make a plan for my meeting with the administrator tomorrow and basically beg my teachers for forgiveness.

I feel utterly trapped right now. My family and school has always emphasized academic success and being held back a year would probably send my social anxiety sky high. All this extra anxiety has made me depressed and brought back the passively suicidal thoughts that have been dormant for months. I feel like if I get held back my entire future is shot, and I'll never be able to afford HRT, SRS, or anything really. But I also know I can't handle another year of the same thing, even if this blows over. My therapist has an awesome e-school program thing but I want to stay in my traditional school since I love my friends. They're the most supportive people I know and I don't want to lose them. I also don't want to leave my speech and Debate program-it's given me a way to express myself with people I love and it's generally a safe place. Plus I have no idea how transferring would look on my record for college.

But I do hate the traditional 7 classes structure and this e-school is different from that which would likely be beneficial. I'm just so scared. What I'm asking here, essentially (you can kind of consider this a TL;DR since I know I rambles pretty well) is: was my counselor right? Am I being selfish and all that shit? Also, what do I do about school while trying to maintain transition? I know this wasn't as much about transgender issues as it was depression and anxiety but I don't know where to ask for help, and these issues stem from my dysphoria. Sorry about rambling by the way.