Hello everyone, Genuinely hope I don’t receive any hate.

I’ve been exploring my gender expression for sometime, over 2 years now. Initially got into it through sex. I was opened up to wearing womens lingerie through a partner i had at the time. It felt amazing and i continued it. Its led to cross dressing and seeking out hookups as a cross dresser.

This has led me down a path of i guess gender exploration and have began to lightly cross dressing and appearing fem in public. I especially like cross dressing when it comes to a hookup. I’ve always been a more feminine leaning guy but i guess never questioned my gender identity.

I don’t feel like I look in the mirror and wish i were born female but i sometimes think life would be way better and easier in ways if i was.

I saw a TikTok video of a transwoman throwing shade to cross dressers because they just want to be with straight men. And i guess to a degree for myself, this came out of a want for straight/bi male validation.

I can’t help but feel guilty cross dressing and shameful because part of me knows that im doing this because i get some sort of sexual validation From It. And I know its terribly wrong to be doing something out of a need for validation

I also can’t help but wonder if this all opened me up to a part of me that’s always dwelled there. I’ve always wron the makeup and the womens clothes but it’s just a step up now. I don’t think i feel like a Woman or want to present as one. If i cross dress im not trying to pass and be mistaken for a woman. I get misgendered quite a bit but i know im still very visibly queer and I’m happy with that. I have accepted i may just be a gender fluid person or nonbinary although i still let people know im a guy.

Do you see this as wrong? I guess cross dressing if i don’t necessarily feel like a woman? Is cross dressing for sex controversial? Am I falling into a grey area we’re i myself may be sexualizing or fertishizibg the trans experience?

Bfbc