I'm a 36yo bi man. I can remember even since my teenage years, I have always had strong fantasies about being the woman during sex. A lot of these were in my head when I was younger, but in college when I started sleeping with women. Even though it felt good for me, the mental part that really made me ecstatic was identifying with what she was feeling. I liked to think this made me a good partner, and even with one girlfriend jokingly referred to us as a lesbian couple.

I also knew I was mostly gay because the craving I had to have a man have sex with me was overwhelming, so after college I explored that and started exclusively dating men. Here's the weird thing: with men, I really don't switch my gender or point of view mentally during sex. I do wish I had breasts for him to play with or a self-lubricating hole for him to use, but I think because I'm naturally more into men's bodies and penises I don't have to do mental acrobatics to get turned on by the sex.

Lately I've been having strong urges to have sex with women again, but in the form of cuck/hotwife fantasies. I think the desire is wanting to be really bonded with a woman so strongly that I can feel what she's feeling when she has sex with other men. I want her to live the sex life I'm living as a gay man but with a woman's body.

I'm pretty sure I'm not transgender--I never really cared in my day to day life to be considered a woman. This is really more of a way I imagine myself (or possibly present myself) sexually. And even then, I don't have dysphoria about my body during sex, it's just I wish I could feel what it's like to have a man want my (imaginary) breasts and pussy.

Even though I don't suspect I'm trans, I am curious, does anyone who realizes now they are a trans woman feel they had a similar progression? Like earlier in life you thought you were a gay bottom and later realized you were a woman all along?