I don't identify as a man, i identify as a cis woman who wants to be a man occasionally.

I think one possibly theory on why I am not interested in sex or dating much as a cis woman is because I feel like it's not genuine and I'm hiding something about myself. And it's hard to want to be sexually or romantically open if you're hiding something. But then again, I don't even see myself as a man so I don't know what I'm hiding. My occasional desire to be seen as a guy?

I don't know what I'm supposed to do and how to move on with life, obviously dating is not life and not neccesary at all, but.. i just feel like its very odd that I have no problem living as a cis woman in everyday life, but when it comes to more intimate situations like a strong emotional bond or something, I'll get the desire to be seen as a guy again. And it's only brought on by intimate situations like that.

If I only have casual friends, acquantainces, etc, the desire to be seen as a guy isn't there. But the closer I get to someone, the more I will want them to see me asa guy even though I dont identify as a guy at all and don;t see myself as one.

I don't beleive I am trans at all. My experience doesn't match 99% of trans peoples experiences, and also, I just have always been a typical girl dating back to since I was born. And when I lived as a trans man for 2 years, I didnt feel authentic, I just felt like I was roleplaying. Thats not how real trans people feel. I am 99% confident that Im not trans, im just. weird or something? I don't know

What should I do? i feel like i need therapy because this doesnt feel normal to me.

And I'll also add that the only way I can have any sort of libido whatsoever is if im being seen as a guy. It's almost like as a woman I'm completely asexual and the only way I can have any sort of libido is if I feel assured that I'm being seen as a man.