After seriously exploring (therapy, trying makeup, fem clothes, thought experiments, attending pride events, even microdosing HRT) over the last 3 years, I believe I am non-binary/genderfluid.

I can’t stop thinking about HRT, and seeing it as a good thing. I have my doubts, mostly because I do sometimes enjoy my masculine appearance and think I’m handsome, and enjoy some social parts of being male.

But my desire to try HRT and experience femininity is so strong, and I think about it everyday. To me, it seems logical to try a full dose of HRT for a while. Long enough that I experience noticeable changes and breast growth. If I regret breast growth, I can just get surgery. I understand there may be scars or other visual indications, but in my eyes it is worth fully transitioning and then fully detransitioning so I can finally know what feels right.

Is this a bad idea? Am I downplaying surgery or being too loosey-goosey with HRT? Fear of permanent breast growth is the only thing holding me back (even though boobs sound nice). I want all other changes and don’t mind infertility, muscle loss, etc.