So whether you agree with this post, find it controversial or not, I need some advice.

Everything in gay sexual culture is enveloped in hypersexuality. Of course I appreciate and love sex, who doesn’t?

I’ve come to find that there seems to be 2 main philosophies on what sex means. To me, sex has always been an expression. An act of amplifying the desire and chemistry between someone else and myself. The other philosophy seems to follow the ideology that sex is more of a lustful self-gratifying behavior. Most people float on the spectrum with these 2 ideologies.

However, I find myself not able to get out of the romance stage. Even though I’ve been (happily) married now for 12 years, any sexual endeavor has the backdrop of some emotional component in it. I can’t seem to pinpoint exactly what that is, since I’m not developing relationships or falling in love with these guys. But, I do not feel like a “hole” or a “piece of meat” with them.

As time has gone on and I’ve continued my pursuits of romantic encounters, things seem to have gotten worse. I see all these people around me able to enjoy and actively looking to just get off quick. I WANT to be able to enjoy that. I’ve researched online how to change sexual ideologies and philosophies and can’t seem to find anything to help bring me to that level.

I know it’s not necessary to enjoy this part of gay culture. But I want to. I can enjoy porn with no emotional component. Why can’t I in real life? It’s getting to the point where I feel just as isolated as I did before I came out of the closet.

Any helpful advice is welcomed. Fighting a pretty strong internal battle right now…