I [24bi/M] have always naturally gravitated towards women (& Vice-versa given my hetro-seeming-appearance). In my experience, women tend to be more emotionally available, compatible, and overall receptive to my efforts. But I’d be lying if the hetero-safety-net of dating women doesn’t play a factor (in my mind, how could it not?)

Over the years, I’ve tried to deconstruct my relationship with sex, internalized homophobia, and overall sexuality as a bi man - in hopes that someday soon I will be a better, more healed person than I was the day before.

But my current relationship with men is complex to say the least. For example, I recently developed quite the impressive hookup pattern with a married guy I met a few months back. Definitely a taboo get-off, but I know it’s damaging for me deep down - which seems to summarize my interactions and interests with men since I came out.

I have no problem not hooking up with men for awhile, but i know myself, and I will just gravitate back to getting with women more seriously. I want to try and put myself out there and be with a guy for once, but all the grindrs and Tinders and other queer-spaces I find myself in, seem to be inundated with the same stigmas and patterns I’m trying to avoid.

I need advice, or at least comfort in knowing I’m not the only person feeling this way/ wanting to explore a more queer relationship.