Hey bros. I’d like to lay out the facts of an old fight I had with an ex, and I’d like your opinions. This is long, but I feel like the details are necessary to fair representation.

So, about a year ago my ex planned a gay camping trip for his polycule slash covid pod of friends (at the time we were long distance and I lived three hours away, but I was still invited) it was a great time, but afterward he was complaining about the fact that he was always in charge of planning these sorts of things. I like planning things, and doing things for people, and I want to get to know his friends better so I jump on that and say “hey how about I take lead on the next thing that gets set up. You were talking about a cabin weekend, right?” And I start putting things in motion, deciding on a guest list, a time, looking at Airbnb cabins near his pod of friends, even a loose schedule of what we’d need for meals and activities. I had also just been on a family Airbnb cabin trip a few months prior that was planned… badly (no offense to my mother but she tends to plan like her 5 children will still eat like picky birds, and happily sleep on floors and couches). I’m excited and I tell him all of this, concluding that I’ll be contacting people in a week to make sure dates work before booking the Airbnb sending out invitations.

Cut to 5 days later, and he’s sent out invitations without me, before I could check in with people about dates. I decide he’s onboard with my plan but thought I wasn’t moving fast enough? And decided he wanted to be involved or maybe in charge? So I decide to support whatever it is he wants to do with it, and I’ll have helped him by executing my plans as we get closer.

The planned date for the event changes because of course someone had a conflict. He puts up a poll of Airbnb’s (some of which I had sent him), and everyone responds that “yeah these are all more or less fine”. And then he deletes the event and tells me no one cared enough so the event is cancelled. “But that just means we can do something special for the two of us”. I’m kind of pissed he didn’t consult me before making that decision, but I don’t feel like I can say “no, let’s do it” after the fact. Whatever, we can move on.

So a week later, the event pops back into existence. Now being planned by my ex and his other boyfriend. The cabin is already booked, the menu is fully planned. This says to me “it wasn’t about the effort of planning or whether enough people responded, it was because I didn’t want to plan it with you.” And I text my boyfriend about that. Telling him my feelings were hurt because this thing I thought we were doing together is no longer ours. And he tells me “oh I didn’t think you were invested. We can plan your birthday dinner instead. How about we plan one dessert together.” At first I reject these offers, because well… they’re good will offerings but also consolation prizes.

But he talks me around and we decide on brownie sundaes. I want to make hot gooey fresh brownies but he points out premade would be simpler. Then the day before the trip while he’s out shopping with the other bf he texts me a picture of brownie mix on sale saying he’s tempted. “Yes! Do it!” And he does! But he also buys premade brownies. Other bf tells me I forced my ex to buy the mix. The premade brownies are put out with general snacks. And eaten all weekend. And any time I ask him when he wants to make the brownies he looks kinda pissed. But we planned it together. It… feels a lot like the consolation prize he offered me isnt something he intends to follow through on. So I just let it drop. After all, the dinners the other bf cooked had everyone filled to the seams already. Dessert was always an add-on.

Even though someone cancelled because of a possible covid exposure there’s not enough beds for everyone in this Airbnb. the first night my ex claimed the best room with the king bed for himself, me, and the other bf to share. The next day I find out the other bf was bothered by my “war crime” snoring and suffered all night on the couch without his cpap , because there wasn’t an outlet in the living room. I volunteer to take the couch, I don’t need a cpap and besides, I got the big bed last night. I sleep like shit, because I can’t stop thinking about how my original plans took sleeping arrangements into account and those were discarded. Also I found an outlet in the living room. I guess other bf didn’t look very hard. I keep it together for the rest of the weekend and afterwards I reach out to let my bf know I wasn’t happy. And he loses his shit.

“I feel like I can’t trust you to tell me when you’re uncomfortable! Why would the brownies mean anything! I was busy the day you sent me those plans! I forgot you had planned anything! How was I supposed to know you were unhappy! You could have gotten a hotel room!”

I can’t paint him as the only monster here though. Looking back I can see how forgetting I was ever interested makes his carelessness more excusable. The doubled brownies were a party foul at best. Maybe I should have understood that hot brownies were my responsibility and mine alone since he and the other bf had planned all the meals. I can recognize that he was trying to reach out and make me happy when I talked to him about my hurt feelings. But at the same time. Everything he said to me when his feelings were hurt also hurt my feelings deeper. I never felt like he understood why my feelings were hurt and I tried to explain it to him until he cried.

That was the moment I realized I had completely fucked up, and I decided I was being ridiculous, put my hurt feelings aside and begged for forgiveness. We were together another six months until another bad weekend broke us up for good.

So I’m licking old wounds as I try to move on. What do you think, Reddit?