Hey gay bros, first time posting here lol

I’m M23 and I’ve never had a relationship before mainly due to living in a homophobic country and then moving to UK in the middle of nowhere lol so not exactly that many options to choose from. I’ve always had this old fashioned cheesy view of find a guy you like, chat him up, go on a date and then have sex once you’re official, meanwhile the couple of gay friends that I have, have always gone on hookups and talked about how having a relationship is a shit thing and I’ve always wanted to hookup but I’m way too scared to actually go through with it… Like I’ll get messages on Grindr or Snapchat asking to hookup and sometimes I’ll agree to meet up and then chicken out last minute and bruh I’m tired of it. Not to mention that I’m always way too into straight guys which I know is toxic shit af but growing up that was the only option I had ( to lust over straight guys) and now I feel like I’ve become a toxic mess who wants to hook up but scared to do it and if I want to do it it’s with mostly straight men. Any advice? Literally anything will be appreciated❤️

Tldr: never had a relationship, into straight men, call me James Charles because I know it’s fucking disgusting to be into straight men, want to hookup and not give a shit but too scared to do so.