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I (M22) have been dealing with a lot of body image & self confidence issues lately-- looking in the mirror and being disgusted at what I see. I even deleted Snapchat the other day because I kept accidentally opening it and it would be on front-camera mode, and I'd see myself at an unflattering angle and think that's what I look like all the time.
But today I came to the realization that I am repulsed by myself NOT because I AM repulsive, but because of this:
I am attracted to men, 90% of whom are NOT attracted to men. I can't choose to only be attracted to gay men, even though I wish I could.
And so I live my life, day after day after day, experiencing unrequited attraction to almost everyone that I find attractive.
I'll walk past a hot guy on the street for example and get all nervous, only for him to not even notice me. Up until today, I've interpreted that as him not being attracted to me because I'm ugly, or because he's way out of my league. But today I realized that, nine times out of ten, it's simply because he's not into guys, and so even if I were the hottest man alive, that random guy would never look at me that way.
I've lived my life feeling constantly rejected by every non-reciprocated crush I've ever had, but they aren't rejections after all! Today I realized that "IT'S NOT ME," which has been such a freeing and relieving feeling. What a release!
It has honestly changed the way I see the world, and the attitude (and confidence level) that I will have toward initiating things with gay guys in the future. If I get rejected in the future, it won't be my 4,252,594th rejection after all-- it will only be my first (yes, I'm a bit inexperienced, but that is besides the point LOL).
Just wanted to share because it's helped me a lot, and maybe could help someone else too. Can anybody relate to this-- misinterpreting unrequited/non-reciprocated attraction as "rejection," when in reality it could be something as simple as the guy you are attracted to being literally straight?
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- 3 years ago
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