Just here to vent about my current mess. Im in a 8 year relationship. Some background, we have both cheated on each other using Grindr before. We live togethor, and we have a great relationship besides all of that (friends, family, work life, quality time) He is my best friend and I have spent every day with him the last six years. Anyways, we met in our early 20’s. Basically the agreement was that he was “the top.” and I was the “bottom” in the relationship. Thing is, we have had anal sex maybe once every 6 months for the last 8 years. It’s just been all blowjobs, and me doing all the work to get him to cum daily/weekly.

As of late, I’ve lost all sexual attraction to him topping me, and he always blames me for neglecting his needs. According to him I am at fault and the reason he has looked elsewhere in the past because he’s obssessed with my body and I am not obsessed with him enough to want to get fucked. (Sidenote he is very fit and can get any guy he wants on grindr, I’ve seen his messages).

sexually there might be a wall that I’ve made up. I’m just so attracted to other guys, dicks, whatever. I love to please. I dont know. But lately I’ve felt more sexually deprived than ever with him.

Im so used to getting what I want with guys who want to top me, give me their load and having my way. With my bf, he’s great size, but during anal he gets all soft and it just turns me off so bad, since he’s the one who complains about not getting to top. As of now he’s opened up to the idea of bottoming lately and letting me top, and the sex has been truly amazing.

Recently, I blew up on him and our relationship. For years I had asked for us to have 3 sums togethor. He would string me along and promise me it would happen and we’d both get turned on at the idea of it. 5 years went by, and the 3 sum never happen and I just let it be.

Well last month, I told him Im done freaking waiting and im sexually unsatisfied and want to be fully open instead of secretly cheating on each other or whatever we were doing. He cried, threw tantrums and basically threatened his life because he doesn’t want to lose me. Well I gave in and told him we can work things out, because we were both devestated, crying and tired. But I told him we need to compromise. He said he’d be willing to do 3 ways with me if thats what I needed, and he will even invite tops over just for me. I agreed.

Well we had our first threeway last week, and it was the best experience togethor. I even got to see him be sexually risqué, making out with the other guy, sucking his cock and enjoying himself. I wish we had done it sooner.

I loved the 3 sum, and appreciate him taking that step. But tbh, lately when im not working, I’m home horny and Im craving more fun with a 3rd. But he doesn’t want to do it as often as me and tells me to chill tf out. He’s just always been so controlling and gets his way and it just makes me feel defeated.

We’ve made each other better, but I’ve done more. I pushed him to get into a career he now loves, I got him to quit addictive party drugs, and helped get his debt in order. I’ve stayed through the verbal and physical assults he lands at me. I feel so toxic writing this lol. Just venting but if anyone has anything to add go ahead.