I was watching an interesting video on YouTube (it was straight dating/LTR focused but I think he points applied to gay relationships also).

The TLDR was that for short term hookups, 'exotic' guys will have fun when visiting etc, but they won't get the 'quality women' i.e. the quality women will go for local men and men who have roots here as they have a reputation to protect. He said they do this because ultimately we are 'monkeys' and 'want our own' (and its easier to integrate culturally and otherwise with the same race) hence the same race will tend to pick the same race.

He goes onto say that its best to go to a country/location where you look normal so you are not fetishized in order to have a decent shot at a long term relationship / deeper connection. He gave an example of his African friend, who struggled to date / sustain any LTR in the West, and moved to Africa and was accepted and now has a LTR (and the kids are also 'one race' which makes it easier for them too). He also makes the statement that a white dude likely would suffer in Africa from the same issue, so its not so much a race thing as much as it is an integration thing.

I'm sure this post will be met with comments that 'interracial relationships are common' / 'race doesn't matter' and so on in gay dating, and while I'm not disputing that, but the data literally shows the majority are still same race (which makes sense, its based on the population demographics too). It is still a constant struggle for me to be treated as anything beyond a fetish/one off hookup etc and my dating life is basically non-existent (and I see why, I generally pick up on incompatibilities early in the process, so I'm not having a dig at anyone). I never really felt 'racism' but I do often feel this distance once their 'fetish' / 'idea of me' wears off, which is why I've always been able to get laid/attract guys, but struggled with anything more (they don't 'see me as someone they could take to their parents' or feel a deeper attraction to me beyond physically I reckon). FWIW, I am not saying every single guy is against an inter-racial relationship, I am just sharing my experience so far that I've not met a guy I've dated/had sex with who places me in anything other than a non-hookup basket and I'm not 'desired' in the dating market (and yes I've done all the usual things like improving my looks, focusing on my career etc, but none of these things fundamentally change someones romantic attraction to you, if anything it just made getting hookups easier).

While he makes it 'sound simple', even if you have the money, its not like a lot of these countries are good for gay men and/or could be a 'downgrade' in terms of lifestyle (I've always been in the West and live in NY currently). When I look at countries where I would 'look normal', either there is a language barrier, economic issues, gay rights issues or similar, making the 'move' almost pointless.

I'm very unsure what to do long term with my life. I'm mixed in race, born/raised in the West, so I am not 100% of anything so feel like I don't really fit anywhere tbh. Its been hard enough to relocate and build friendships etc in NY, so the next move would have to be my final since its already very hard to make connections the older you get.

So do I stay in the West, continue to be a fetish and just accept it will only ever be hookups (or a fleeting FWB at best)? Or move elsewhere and live an adjusted lifestyle, for a 'maybe' shot at more? I'm approaching my mid 30s too, so my youth is not gonna last much longer either.