Background childhood: Had flashbacks to possible abuse as a very young child. Early memory of playing sexually with another boy and also girls. Very afraid after playing with boy of HIV. Absolute fearful memory. Enjoyed girls company.

Growing up until teen: Always attracted to women felt safe around women. Porn and masturbation regularly, always hetero porn several girlfriends quite shy.

Young adult: Experimented with anal play enjoyed it. Still only hetero attraction. Started to notice transgender porn and attracted to it. Several experiences with transgender escorts.

Married: Occasional trans escort encounters only mutual masturbation and oral. Wife informed. Start to enjoy anal play more with her on me. Encounter beautiful trans m to f. Engage her in massage where eventually I was forcefully penetrated unprotected. Gave into to it and received several hours of unprotected anal where I was ejaculated in. Feeling of anal was amazing by a real penis. Emotion was fear after finishing of STI. Hospital for PeP or PreP can’t remember. Final test negative.

I now have this overwhelming urge to be a bottom for cock even for men who are masculine. I love the thought of being used as a bottom.

Question: If I don’t find men attractive but I have this desire to be a bottom and get turned on by the thought of being used to pleasure men what does it make me? The experience of being forced to take a raw penis and have it cum in me changed me.