So we were in our close friend group of four, which I loved having. We would all have intelegent conversations and stuff. I swear one time we were talking about something, eventually my friend came out as gay. He said he was into this guy everyone knew. I was very shocked, because I knew he was gay, and so we talked, I didn’t say much, just asked him to repeat, and anyway we all knew he was gay. Growing up in the south I was just suprised, but he was a close friend so I wasn’t going to say anything not supportive. Towards the end of the school year (which was all 12th grade), in March, I realized I was gay. I was trying to work up the nerve to tell him, because well he told me because he trusted me not to tell anyone. I don’t know if I had a crush on him or not, but there wasn’t anyone else that was gay. I’d gotten asked and had guys try to force me into sex because I look prettier and cuter than the girls, and they were hoping to use me for a quick nut. But I didn’t want to be used, especially by straight guys who weren’t going to care about me what so ever anyway. I knew my friend would actually like me, but he did reveal around that time he was assexual. I was kind of crushed because then I knew if we started a relationship it wouldn’t work, because I have a high sex drive, to the point I thought I could even satisfy myself by riding his dick, but if he wouldn’t have enjoyed it I couldn’t force it to happen. I just think it was so sweet he came out to me, he knew, and I knew, no one was going to react very kindly, so it was a secret for us, and our small group. I think he probably would have appreciated me and loved me, but I’m a bottom and I need love too. We both just lived very strict lives. I’m thinking about visiting him during this next summer to tell him. I think he has a right to know. I never told anyone because I was worried I would loose my highschool popularity at the top of everything. Looking back, that popularity, and controlling the status quo, was literally my point of existence to a tea. I was also not quite sure if he would keep the secret very well. I’m glad though that we were all able to explore ourselves, at least in private, and had a real friendship where none of us were afraid of each other.

Anyways Im going to tell him in person next summer. He won’t know. I will tell him I was gay and was afraid, that I was bi romantic so I thought it wasn’t right, but homosexual. I know he thinks sex is very disgusting but we don’t have to do anything, at least he should have the right to know. He was just such a significant friend in my life for many many good years since lower school. I know we wont be able to make a relationship work, since he is asexual, but at least he will get to know. I am a little curious if he ever had a crush on me. I hav a very assertive and leaderly personality I quickly developed so people wouldn’t walk all over me, but he never had that, he was shy too. I really think it could have been a good combo, but love is a two sided blade. Honestly I would be suprised if we fell in love, but if we do, I’d be so honored to fall in love with someone who actually appreciates me.

Just looking back to a year ago, living in such a gay bashing town, it was nice he trusted me. I wish I would have trusted him though, I think since we both understood that, he wouldn’t have told anyone to protect me like I would have done. At least would have been nice. He just treated me like a human being with such kindness, and I know he wouldn’t have been any different if he found out I was gay. I just thought it wasn’t worth it if I wasn’t going to get much out of it. I kind of wish I said something.

I don’t know what else to say, I’ve been mesning to post this for a while. Ask me questions, I’d love to answer, and maybe find some interesting advice.