I’ve dealt with internalized homophobia for so long (as an ex Muslim) so today I challenged myself to go to a gay bar called the Alley in Boston and at least see what it’s like (in reality I passed by two other gay bars tonight and this is my third failure)

But idk for some reason I just can’t get my legs to move… I mean I had less issues getting on Grindr and fooling around but this is harder

As of now I’m sitting in the subway contemplating my inaction… I mean I was trying to recruit someone to go with me on Grindr so I wouldn’t have to do it alone but that went as well as you expect 😅 even drinking can’t get me the confidence to enter the bar

Objectively I have no reason to be worried away from my fam but still I can’t muster the energy 😔