Hi,

So I met this guy Jeff about a year ago. He was super kind and sweet, we shared a French Literature class together, he was a new transfer to my univeristy. I never really thought I'd find someone who I'd resonate with so much. He understood the appeal of things how I saw them, he said in perfect words why some literature like this feels so good, he described the feelings I get after to a T.

We bonded over lots of things for a few months. We got to be good friends. We both went through some similar unfourtnate events like being almost seriously hurt by a knife by a family member, but I felt too scared at the time to share it. He was just special, and he seemed to like me well enough. Even though I was always the one offereing to hangout, he seemed to always agree, he never really rejected it or seemed against it, he even asked me near the end to plan something.

I offered to watch 'Brokeback Mountain' together, we both like films and it's a personal favorite. But he got weird and didn't really seem to want to but he was okay with lots of other films. I let it go. We hung out one more time. I was really anxious and out of it, I found out my dad is actually my stepdad and was full on out of my body the whole time, I was about to start a new job 2 days later too. He seemed off too, I regret not asking. He just seemed like the kind of guy who might reject my asking or be offended, I think I was just judging. We both were off. When I made a joke that Challanger's should've had more gay scenes he seemed off. The vibes were off the whole day, we said goodbye, he seemed really sad as he was driving away, he had like a taken aback expression. We texted for a bit, then he never replied to my ask about maybe hanging again.

I liked him a lot. I think weather or not I hoped for something more, I didnt care I just wanted more of him. I think near the end it became worse because once I realized I liked him a lot, I tied my worth to him and that probably made him feel suffocated. I never realized it but it could be a big reason. I don't know if I was being too much. I also think I maybe was distant and not honest with him, I like I said, wanted him to like me and could have come off as a bit phoney. It could be that he maybe liked me and that made him feel really uncomfy. Regardless he cut me off. My thing now is how do I reel from it. How do I learn from this if he never told me if I hurt him somehow? How do I not feel like shit all the time over it?