I want to experience the kind of love you feel in your teens. Cute dates and sleepovers and car make out sessions. I was too busy sleeping with people who probably don't even remember my name and now I'm 20. I know that's still young but my teenage years are officially over. I spent so much time obsessing over these loser guys, trying to buy their love with gifts and free meals and letting them fuck me whenever they wanted. Just once I want someone to give the same amount of effort as I put in. I wish someone would take the time to get to know me instead of immediately trying to get in my pants. I guess I'm partially (mostly) to blame. But I literally don't know how to talk to people without giving them the impression that I have ulterior motives. I'm so tired of this pattern of hooking up with someone, falling for them, and then being ghosted a week later. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I suddenly met a super rich guy who was into me. Maybe I could quit my job and actually focus on school, or pick up some of my old hobbies again. I could be a stay at home husband and keep his mansion clean and cook for him, and he'd take me to nice restaurants and take me shopping to buy stuff for the house. I could learn how to paint, or take guitar lessons. Anything but this constant drudgery. I wake up every morning already knowing exactly how my day is going to go, because they're all the fucking same. I just moved to a new city so I don't have any friends here. The only bit of human connection I get is laying in bed with a guy after he's painted my insides. I wish one of them would stay