I decided to download grindr too see what it was like and maybe hookup. I made a profile that boiled down to "Looking for mostly friends and chats, with maybe hookups if it goes well" and after sorting through random links and old men, I found someone who wasn't immediatly asking for sex. We were friendly than flirting then trading photos (He wasn't exactly my type, but thb he had a really nice cock) and I ended up going to his place. I blew him, and then he offered to blow me, but between nervs and his bad teqchnique (he was basically stroking it dry and sucking just the tip, even though I mentioned that it was dry multiple times. Then he tried to play with my balls was a little too rough, that shit hurt and be stopped after I told him) I wasn't getting hard enough and let him down easy, because this guy was really nice, went slow, checked up on me, and didn't pressure me into anything.

All this is to say that I was happy with the interaction despite not getting off, yet when I got back to my place, I had the familiar sense of burning/shame that I felt when I first denied to myself that I was gay. The next morning it was worse, with a loss of apitite, didn't feel horny at all (strange for me), I even threw up, and it took me forever to finally allow it to subside and go back to semi-normal. I'm not out to anyone in my close personal life, just a couple friends. I am worried that this may affect my romantic and sexual life going forward, and if any people have similar experiences and how they overcame it (also just needed to vent). Thanks