I’m 39yo top. I’ve realized I really enjoy sex with my partner after I’ve twisted his arm into reluctantly spreading his legs for me, and when I’m pumping he doesn’t want to kiss or be intimate and doesn’t want to look at me. But then I start to see his dick get hard and starts stroking himself and starts kissing me, and I begin to enjoy it less.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my partner very much. We’ve been married since 2011 and I’ve never even come anywhere near close to cheating.

But when it comes to sex, I can’t figure out why I enjoy it a lot more when my partner isn’t. In fact, I’ve shared my thoughts with him on this and surprisingly he doesn’t mind…as if he was a little weirdly pleased to hear me say these things.

I’ve even told him whenever we’re having sex, DON’T ever fake like ur enjoying it!

I also often fantasize about having sex with straight men after coercing them somehow, like in a prison setting. It kinda made me feel better after I Google searched and found that rape fantasy is actually common (whether fantasizing about being the perpetrator or the victim)

Lastly, I have a clean criminal history with exception of speeding tickets and I’m not worried about being tempted to ever carry out any rape fantasy into reality. However, I imagine if I ever get locked up, I’m definitely going to get myself a heterosexual prison wife.