Hey y'all, for context I am a 30 ftm trans guy. Later in life transitioner. My partner is 30 nonbinary he/they (not on hormones), great dick. Our sex life is the best either of us have ever had. No notes there... Except:

To be blunt giving blow jobs makes me feel like a, for lack of a better term, regular gay guy. I have blown more than my fair share of gay, queer, and straight dicks. All of them, without exception, have been able to (instantly or eventually over time) cum from oral alone. To the point that, and here is where I probably fucked up, I have always been proud of it. Guys would insist they would rather just fuck, and I would politely ask if I could blow them a bit for my own pleasure, and inevitably, surprise surprise they would finish in my mouth.

My current boyfriend and I have been together about a year. I have tried what feels like everything, EVERYTHING, every pace, texture, suction level, eye contact, hand grip, foreplay build up, face fucking, starting, stopping, edging, my god what haven't I tried, to make my partner cum from a blowjob. They have gotten off from it in the past, just not with me. What a curse that now when I'm actually dating someone good for me, I cannot for the LIFE of me help them finish with oral.

Today he had a quickie in an airport bathroom. I called since we love to share the fun details of eachothers sexual escapades. I shouldn't have asked, but I did... The hookup was with a cis guy, and he came while still soft just from being blown for five minutes before a flight. I feel crushed, like the ultimate failure. I spent a year trying to do what one Grindr Twink could get done in 10 minutes.

Other than, obviously, talking to my therapist about why in the WORLD my self worth is tied to being decent at oral on dicks.... Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me here? I know I'll never get to travel back in time and be a cis gay twink or just be born with the parts I'm trying to please but, am I just doomed to not being able to pleasure the most important person in my life in this one way? Can you lose your touch...? Should I give up entirely trying and just consider it foreplay?