Before i start on the issue itself, let me give some background on our relationship. We've been together for 2 and a half years now and have not had a big fight ever. We've had little bickering back and forth over small stuff but we resolved those pretty quickly. Back to normal within an hr or so. I don't have a driver's license because I'm disabled. I'm also living off disability. My bf lives 2 hours away and drives to see me every other week consistently. If i need groceries i place a Walmart pickup order and he picks it up for me. We talk every single day. We haven't skipped a single day since we started dating. Me and him and his friend group play games together every night also. He isn't always great with communication is the only thing. If i bring something serious up he tries to get outta the conversation by either dodging it or giving joke responses (we joke with each other all the time but i make it obvious when I'm serious).

For additional context, our sex life is great. ALMOST perfect. I'm a verse top and he's a strict bottom. That's where the issue starts. We have sex every night that he's over. The majority of the stuff we do is side stuff (non penetrative, grinding exc). Every now and then i want to bottom SO bad. I've never bottomed before and it's been something I've been wanting to try for a LONG time. When we 1st started talking he had "verse bottom" on his grindr profile and i brought up me wanting to eventually try bottoming to him back then and he seemed into it. I tried to talk to him about it later into our relationship and after what felt like pulling teeth he finally explained his insecurities surrounding topping so i said ok and dropped it. Then around my birthday i asked him if he could use my dildo on me instead of topping. He agreed and it was amazing. I finished so fast. In the moment he seemed really into it and he finished shortly after me. I asked him if we could do it more often and he seemed hesitant. I asked him if he enjoyed it and he said he did. Every time i bring it up be dodges the question or gives a joking response. Mind u I'm not requesting we do this every time we have sex, but MAN would it be a nice treat every now and then. It's been over a month since my birthday and we haven't done it with the dildo since. I've been craving bottoming like crazy recently and i don't get why he puts off doing it again. And his insecurities around topping have nothing to do with him not giving me an answer on if we can use it on me again.