I've been on the apps for a while now, and I know most guys are on there for a decent amount of time every day. I like this guy, but he is very transactional—mostly just about sex. We have a lot in common, which I know from Instagram, but he clearly doesn’t want to have much of a conversation or small talk, like not even hey or later. The only time we chat is when it’s a deeper convo when I expressed support for an issue about his ethnic background being discriminated, but then afterward, he acts like it never happened. I wouldn’t expect that to mean anything but like it’s so hard to read him and all men as well. He even acts like we don’t have sex, which is so weird. I think he might be slightly on the spectrum, so that might explain it.

For other people, what makes you think about it? Because I know you can very much have sex with no attachment, but what about when there are good conversations? You can have that too and still never talk to that person again afterward—I’ve done that a lot.

On these hookup apps, a lot of guys are primarily looking for hookups but are also open to a relationship. What is it that makes you go from hooking up to seeing someone as someone worth investing time in?

When I’ve found guys who are actively looking for relationships and away from the hookup culture, it often seems to lead to a lot of forcing things to work in some ways and love bombing.

What are the parts needed in a relationship or that make one beside sexual connection, emotional connection, and vibes?