It’s been two months (8 years together, 20s). I’m doing the best I can and I trust with time it’ll get easier, but I really can’t keep going with this feeling in my brain all the fucking time.

I’ve kept busy enough with work, socialised as much as I’m able (probably not enough), been the most sober I’ve ever been and eaten the best too. Started learning harmonica. Had a long weekend away. Allowed time to reflect. I had a broken foot for most of this time and even that excuse hasn’t really stopped me doing things. Essentially I’ve done everything I can to keep mindful, healthy and appreciative

I know I can’t rush through the process and I have to be content with being single, but honestly I don’t know if those are even the problems. I know I’m fine without a relationship, but there’s a companionship that I’m craving and I’m a tad worried that I’m losing sense without it.

I’m finding it hard to keep up the energy to move forward and my stubborn optimism is wearing thin. I have too few people actually there for me and I’m a tad worried that if I crack, it could be a biggie. Also wtf I can’t believe I have to enter winter alone