I am a 30-year-old gay man. After ending an eight-year LTR and two years of living alone, I decided to restart my sex life or relationship. So I hooked up with a guy on Grindr. We had a few drinks and had a good chat. Good start, but considering that he should be pretty much sexual active, I only accepted mutual oral sex for the sake of caution and safety. But few days later I realized that this was not cautious and safe enough. The next day, I had a huge headache. On the third day, I had an itchy rash on my legs. Five days later, two or three small red spots of 2 to 3 mm in size appeared on the back of my hands. Although I knew that this time was too early for the symptoms of HIV and most STDs, they raised my alarm, but from then on, my nightmare began. I began to scan my body every hour to see if there was anything strange, consciously or unconsciously, and sometimes woke up with night sweats and difficulty breathing at night. On the seventh day, after a torturous long-distance flight, I slept for 20 hours and fell into constant fatigue, nausea, and loss of appetite (I had almost never experienced this before). I started to Google related issues constantly, and searched for related content on Reddit, Quora and other platforms. Although most of the sharings similar to mine showed good results, some cases were negative even if they had all the symptoms. But there were two or three stories about oral infection and some new knowledge - factors that increase the oral transmission rate (brushing teeth beforehand, ejaculating in the mouth and temporarily retaining it, which I had), and these discussions made me fall into a vortex of panic. I felt fine in the first two weeks, and I found reasons for myself that any symptoms in the first two weeks were not related. But in the third week, new rashes appeared on my chest and stomach, with different shapes and some itchy and some not. These symptoms usually disappear after one to two days, and are mildest when waking up in the morning and worst before going to bed. What really broke me was that one day I found a white film on my inner lip, and I connected it to thrush, which is the most specific symptom of HIV as far as I know. Although it didn't hurt to wipe it off, and it didn't appear again after taking care of it, it made my psychological defenses collapse further, and I connected any physical reaction to HIV. In order to fight, I began to try to associate these so-called symptoms with anxiety, but when I thought that they might indeed be caused by HIV, I couldn't help but collapse, and this behavior made my brain confused and exhausted. I couldn't go out with friends, and I couldn't get interested in eating, drinking, and any entertainment. I couldn't even complete some daily works with a bit challenging. Today is the 30th day after the incident. I took a leave and went to the clinic. The doctor helped me make an appointment for Lab Test and anxiety therapy. Thanks to all the friendly medical staff in the clinic, this period of time was the most reassuring few hours for me. I made the worst-case scenario. If I am unfortunately infected, I still have the corresponding treatment and can live to old age. Everything is not too bad. If the final result is negative, then I will use prep before any sexual behavior in the future. Many sharings in Reddit have given me a lot of peace of mind. I will follow up on my test results. If the results are good, I hope to give some peace of mind to friends who are going through all this. If I am really unfortunate enough to be infected, it can also give some reference (and hope to get some advices and help on treatment and social relationships).