I’ve known I’m gay for years now, I worked so much to changed myself from the person I was to the person I am, I worked on all my views, but one I can’t get over, I don’t know if it’s self hatred or what but I just physically feel so disgusted at myself bottoming, but the issue is I think I am, I’m probably a verse but I always fantasize about bottoming no matter what, and this is only made worse by me being an ethnic person, I mean no harm but trying to be feminine when I’m extremely hairy and my body shape is very strange is just not the easiest, I want to be feminine I want to be desired but I know I can’t and I’m not self pitying I’m just very straight looking and in fact I look “ghetto” straight if that makes sense, being a bottom is not in the cards but even if it was I feel so disgusted with myself that I don’t know if I could do it, I have come to the conclusion that it’s internalized homophobia but I’m clueless as to how address it.