I feel like this is more of a rant post than it is of me asking for advice but I need to just let this out. I, 23M, and guy, 20M, have been talking for about a month now. I want us to start dating and get to know each other but he has to be secretive about us hanging out together. To be honest, he has mention to me before how it’s always been this way. He’s confess to me about how he can’t leave the house without permission or without his parents. Just recently, his parents accompanied him to his doctor’s appointment and he had no choice in the matter. He hasn’t been able to go anywhere because they wouldn’t allow him to. They are financially responsible for him and he relies on them for his expenses. He has a small side business that he does but that’s about all the responsibility he has. He’s looking for a full time job to do but even his parents control which jobs he can apply to. Thankfully, he has managed to convince them that he will be choosing the ones his mom applied for him (honestly a small victory). He’s a very shy person and I can tell he has a hard time with confrontation but I do believe it’s because of his parents. It’s important to mention that he is Mormon and I know of families who treat their children this way as well, even into adulthood. He even has a curfew where he has to turn off his phone at a certain hour and not be on it. He can’t even be himself and live independently so he can learn on his own.

I understand his situation as his parents do provide him with a lot. He has a bank account with money his parents have been saving up for him. I don’t know how much but from what he has told me, I can feel that’s it’s a substantial amount. So if he were to leave or even date me, he’d be risking losing that money for good. His parents are very religious but he has come out to them recently and they seem to simply be ignoring the issue. However, it’s the fact that he can’t leave or go hang out with friends with his parents permission. For him to even be allowed to go to the mall with me, his parents would like to meet me AND my parents first. What kind of stupid nonsense is this??? When he told me this, it made me feel like they are treating him like a child. He doesn’t do anything that would make you suspicious or fear for their safety. He doesn’t do drugs, drink, or even drink fucking coffee. All he does is stay inside and play video games (recently he has started doing workouts at home) but that’s only because his parents don’t let him leave. When he brings it up to them they only response with “it’s cause we care about you”.

I know it’s none of my business and if I have an issue with it , to just have a serious discussion about it with him. But it makes me feel so angry and sad that parents would treat their offspring like this and never give them the chance to grow and experience freedom. I’m afraid he’ll always be dependent of them. I have told him to look into being independent, such as getting a job to get a place for himself or go to college and live on campus. It’s not my responsibility I know that. But I’m also scared if he gets kicked out and has nowhere to go. I want to at least provide him with resources in what to do. He’s a very innocent, nerdy, and cute guy but idk what to do. Even we if don’t date I would like to be his friend so he knows that there is someone who understands his struggles.

I know this is a lot of reading but I just needed to spill this out. If anyone has been in this situation please let me know what you did. Maybe I can keep talking to him about it and seek options he can try.