There are two truths in medicine about death: you can't feel sad about everyone because your job is to stay professional and help the patient. I can't stop being functional and devastated by the death of the patient A because patients B,C,D and E need a doctor who is physically and mentally fit to treat them

The second truth is that not everyone makes you hurt in the same way. For me, the younger the worst but there are exceptions. Of course you don't want anyone to die but you know you're not a God and, to the best of your abilities, you're trying to save everyone.

However I've noticed that when a man dies I feel way worse. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that I'm gay. It also has to do with the fact that males tend to be more abandoned than females. It's devastating how many guys tell me (when asked if there is someone that we could contact in case of need) that there is no one. I'm not talking about people with addictions, or homeless people. I'm talking about people who look perfectly okay and yet they are lonely.

I feel weird. There was a guy who was super cute at his late 20s. He said that he was scared and I was telling him he'll be fine, I promised. He was fine because he had nothing serious. When things go well I'm very happy. I take a sick person and I return him back to the community free to do whatehever he wants. But if things are not good.. well..

There's a guy who died. He had slim chances of surviving. I can't forget his face. I'm seeing a psychologist and discuss that. He says I'm too sensitive and I should use that in favor of my patients and at the same time to find a way to chanel that energy and prevent it from building up.