I've been dating a trans woman for about 4 years now. We moved in together last year and just resigned our lease. I've come to realize over time that I am just not sexually interested in her. Not because she had bottom surgery or anything, I just don't feel a sexual attraction. One reason is I don't think that she uses soap to wash with when she takes a bath so she'll sometimes smell of BO. I hate to say it, but that is a major turn off for me.

I feel attracted to her but in more of an intellectual partner kind of way (that sounds so pretentious but I can't think of a better way to describe it). She's not a very sexual or romantic person (she has autism) and often struggles with social skills. She does have little tendencies that do bother me. She never closes drawers or cabinets and leaves things all over the place. I'm not the cleanest person but I don't leave a half drank milkshake sitting out for days on a counter. She's left food out until it's gone moldy. She leaves a mess everywhere. When I'm home, she's practically a shadow following me all over. If I sit on the couch, she sits on the couch, and if I get up and go sit on the bed, she comes to sit on the bed. I feel like I have no personal space 90% of the time I'm home. I've noticed this a lot more frequently since I got let go from my job a little over a week ago. I'm at home and she works from home. I will sometimes go out and just drive around to wherever in order to be by myself.

She's also boring for the most part. All she does is go for walks, play games, and read. She rarely leaves the house except to visit her parents or babysit her nephew. Sometimes we go hang out with her friends but the conversations are always the same. The conversations we have revolve around the same things. I don't really want to have a deep conversation about anything because she'll correct me if I didn't state something exact or left out something that was implied. It makes me not want to engage. Anytime we watch a movie or show, all I hear is what's not good about it. Same goes for games and books. It's rarely the positives and just the flaws. It makes it tough for me to want to watch or engage with anything lest I hear what's wrong with it.

Throughout this relationship, I've learned just how much I like to be independent and able to do my own things. I know I'm dragging her through the mud in this but I do genuinely love and care about her. I just have no idea how to talk to her about these things. If we break up and I have to leave, I'm shit out of luck. I don't have much money and I got rid of most of my furniture when we moved in together (mostly a bed and a couch).

She is a super good person who has been very supportive. She's mentioned things to me about not liking monogamy but also finds poly to be difficult. She's even stated that she wouldn't really care if I have sex with anyone else as long as it's safe and I get tested and whatnot. While this sounds good, I can't bring myself to have that conversation with her.

I'm feeling stuck in this relationship. When we were planning to move in together, we agreed that we'd be able to be independent in terms of things we want to do, food, whatever basically. She's super picky with foods (part of her having autism). I'm feeling bored a lot of the time because there's no real adventuresome attitude. If we go on a trip, I feel like we don't get to experience what a place has to offer in terms of food because we have to choose something she'll want. This isn't helped by her not making decisions.

The reason I'm posting this on here (with a throwaway account) is because I've realized that even though I'm bi, I much prefer the company of a guy to a girl. I've had a few girlfriends over the years that, apart from the first one, have followed a trend of going well but then nobody puts forth effort anymore and it just turns into stagnated complacency. I've never dated a guy so I can't speak to that but the sexual encounters I've had with guys have always been better than with girls.

I hate that I've only now come to realize that I'm unhappy when I'm caught in a very difficult place. We live together and I recently lost my job so that makes everything difficult. I just don't know what to do and I hate myself for not knowing and not seeing it sooner. I think if I land a good enough paying job, I'll save up and we part ways but I also feel like it needs to be done sooner rather than later. I don't know if this is the right place for this but I need some advice