I (31m) came out to my immediate family a few years ago, and everyone seemed comforting and loving, including my older brother. They are however, deeply Christian (I'm just not feeling it) and due to a few incidents in the past, I feel that they aren't super comfortable talking about it. (We have a strong tendency to avoid bringing up things we don't like)

After further talks with my brother, who is the only one I've actually had conversations with about my sexuality, he revealed that while he loved me, he considers gayness a choice and me a sinner. I'm not really tied to the religion but that did sting a bit.

Years have passed without anyone talking about it, and the other day he calls and asks out of the blue if I think he's homophobic. I asked him if he thinks he is, (he said no) and if he still feels like being a member of the lgbtq group is a choice and a sin (he says yes). I told him that unfortunately, that makes him a homophobe and he gave me the whole "love the person, not what they do" speech ( including asking if I think someone could still love someone else who committed murder). I tried to explain how there are parts of a person's identity that can't possibly be a choice, but if nothing else, my brother is firm in his convictions.

I love my brother and he's honestly the person in my family that I might be closest to. He just had a son who I've been dying to see, and a daughter (and new step daughter) that I don't really see that often. I also love his wife, and I think they're both good people, but I can't help but feel a rift forming in my heart and I'm realizing that I don't REALLY know what my family thinks of me. I'm starting to wonder if I should force them to talk about it, or if I should distance myself from my brother. Am I even truly out of the closet if I just let things go on as normal? I don't really know what to think anymore...