Hello everybody. I wanted to hop on here and tell my story, because I think it is very important for these topics to be covered in general, but even more so in our community. And in my experience, quality LGBTQIA friendly healthcare is very rare to come across. The amount of doctors I have been shuffled around to for this issue was crazy. And it is not only demoralizing and demeaning the way I was treated throughout this process, but the health care providers blatantly neglected very critical factors of my life and all missed the correct diagnoses as a result.

In the Summer of 2022, I had five (5) different sexual partners while I lived at the beach. I hadn’t gotten tested for STI’s for the duration of the summer, so the first thing I did when I returned home was went to get tested. For reference, I routinely get tested bi-monthly when I receive my Apertude shot. Upon testing, it was uncovered that I had asymptomatic Chlamydia- an easily treatable bacterial infection. I treated it with Doxycycline, tested negative upon finishing the medication and moved on.

About a month later, I started getting problems with my anus and rectum. I thought at first it was related to excessive itching and had nothing to do with the Chlamydia. But when I really thought hard about the excessive itching I had, I knew this was NEW and ABNORMAL for my body. The itching eventually lead to scratching which lead to minor fissures.

After becoming a certified Google Doctor, I realized that Chlamydia and another STI called LGV are very closely related, and many of the symptoms I was having were mimicking those of LGV. So I went to my primary care (who specifically works with LGBTQIA people and is amazing) and asked for her input. She told me that the LGV would show up as Chlamydia on the tests I get done bi-monthly and that based on the geographical area I am located in, it is unlikely. PLUS I already took Doxycycline for the Chlamydia, which is the same medicine given to fight LGV. However, LGV requires more time on Doxycycline than Chlamydia does, so one theory explaining why it wouldn’t show up on tests if I had it is because the shorter dose I took for the Chlamydia might have brought my LGV levels down to a point where the test wasn’t registering it.

Regardless, we started to treat it as unrelated to the Chlamydia given the circumstances and treated it more as a chronic itching. The issue kept intensifying to the point where it began ruining aspects of my life. My hole was always so raw and wrecked that I wasn’t sleeping with people, I stopped consuming alcohol, I cut out many different kinds of food from my diet, I started taking Fiber on a daily basis and I started utilizing hydrocortisone cream (a topical steroid that you cannot depend on because your body will have severe withdrawal from it following extensive use). These things helped minimally, but the issue was never cleared and the symptoms would randomly intensify.

I returned to my primary care doctor asking for input. She referred me to a colorectal specialist. I called to get an appointment and… it was a 6 month wait, which I couldn’t do based on the severity of the symptoms at that point. I jumped through hoops and was able to land an appointment with a different colorectal doctor who was allegedly LGBTQIA friendly, as his profile had explicitly mentioned.

When I went to see the colorectal doctor, I told him all of the aforementioned. I told him what measures I was taking to improve my symptoms and I told him my history, including the Chlamydia diagnoses. He essentially told me that the issues I was having were a result of my own wiping behavior and he prescribed me hydrocortisone cream after I explicitly asked him not to due to the previously mentioned issues about withdrawal. He essentially did not listen to a word I said, gaslit me and kicked me out the door.

After that, I was beaten down a bit. But I have experience in healthcare and know that doctors and nurses can lack empathy and can be extremely unhelpful. I knew I had to be my own advocate because at this point, the symptoms were gravely impacting my life. I knew that I was going to need some sort of scope (such as a colonoscopy) to eliminate any potential causes and potentially find the cause. So I pulled some strings and was able to get an appointment with a GI Specialist.

When I went to the GI Specialist, I told him all of the aforementioned, including the Chlamydia diagnoses. He literally did not know that gay people get their rectums swabbed for STI testing and he had minimal clue as to what PREP was. These were all major red flags to me, but I went in with a goal and it was to get checked out. After pleading with him to not send me home with ANOTHER hydrocortisone prescription, he ended up offering me a flex sigmoidoscopy scope, which I ecstatically said yes to. I just wanted relief at this point.

When I went in for the scope, a different doctor was performing it. The first day I went in, I wasn’t “cleaned out enough” which meant that they couldn’t see what they wanted to and that I would have to return for a second scope. I obviously did exactly that because I needed this issue to get taken care of at this point. Following the second scope, everything came back seemingly okay, with only one minuscule fissure located. They even took samples from my insides which all came back okay.

I was absolutely perplexed and running out of options it felt like. I still had no diagnoses, I believed that this was a result of something I was regularly doing and I went on trying to self treat. I thought this was just something I was going to have to deal with, as every doctor kept telling me I was totally fine. The symptoms would come and go at varying intensities from that point until December 2023.

On December 3, 2023, I was in the shower washing my genitals when I noticed a sensitive area in my groin. After further inspection I felt a tough lump in my groin. This was weird, but I thought it might have been a hernia from the gym. The next day, the sensitive area grew, which then became alarming for me. The next day, my anal problems started to present and that night, I went to the ER out of concern for the hernia primarily, with a secondary emphasis on what I believed to be a hemorrhoid.

The ER doctor knew I was gay and in hindsight, I think she had a problem with me because of it. At the ER, the doctor had mentioned something about Lymph Nodes being in the groin region. She felt the lumps and said she felt nothing. I told her about the hemorrhoid. She jammed her finger straight up my rectum causing excruciating pain and never spread my cheeks to physically look at the area, which was covered in fissures and bumps and was extremely discolored (I have so many pictures to support this claim). She then gave me a CT Scan to cross her T’s and after waiting hours in the ER, she came back and said that the CT Scan came back clear.

I was so obviously in distress at this point. But she came back and told me nothing I had was emergent, I probably have a pulled groin and have a minor fissure and that it was time for me to go home. She sent me home with nothing. Had she caught it, there were meds (Valacyclovir) that could have been administered to greatly improve my situation. But instead she just gaslit me and seemingly wanted nothing to do with me. Holy hell, she missed the writing on the wall BIG TIME and it was solely due to the fact that she didn’t care. I don’t know if it was burnout, homophobia or what… but her lack of investigating was indicative of her lack of interest in my issues.

At this point, I went to my primarily care, a colorectal specialist, a GI specialist, a doctor conducting the sig scope, and an ER doctor and they all kept saying the same thing- there was no real problem with me.

Honestly, thank god for my primary care because they were the only ones not invalidating me at every breath. At this point I was so lost, hopeless, confused, angry and determined.

My mom is a nurse and a damn good one at that. I had her check me out. I had to show my mother my hole and the second she saw it, she said ABSOLUTELY NOT! She knew the Lymph Nodes were acting out because they were either fighting a bacterial or a viral infection. Now it was time to figure out just which one.

I went to my primary care, showed them my hole in its peak moment and gave them a list of stuff that I could have. The top three things were LGV, Anal Herpes and Mycoplasma Genitalium. So they treated me for Mycoplasma Genitalium and LGV, and we tested for Anal Herpes.

My results came back positive for HSV-1, aka Anal Herpes. Look it up if you’re curious. It’s great!!!! (Sarcasm).

My hole was covered in blisters. It was essentially one huge fissure at that point. There was discharge involved so I would be wearing two pairs of underwear at one time and traveling with additional clothes in my car everywhere I went. Bowel movements sent me to the grave every time. I had to hop in the shower and bathe immediately after a bowel movement. I would sleep on the bathroom floor multiple nights because I couldn’t find comfort or relief anywhere. That had been going on for over a week at that intensity. I couldn’t sit for lengthy periods of time and I worked a desk job. I had never endured something like that and I have endured more than most people you know. I literally have fallen off of a 4-story roof before, shattered my spine and both ankles in multiple places and had to get emergency spine surgery. THIS WAS RIGHT UP THERE WITH PAIN.

The most messed up thing? Majority of the population has HSV-1 so they don’t test for it in America because it isn’t worth the price tag. Doctors tell people they don’t need to worry about it or disclose their status to people because of how common it is and it “can only be contagious during flare ups.” I guarantee I got this from someone tossing my salad. It is not hard to get. People also commonly believe that HSV-1 is just specific to the mouth while HSV-2 is just specific to the genitals. However, HSV-1 can be oral or genital as well as HSV-2, so it can be passed from mouth to genitals.

AND BEWARE. You do not need to hook up with someone with an active cold sore to get herpes. The virus can shed without displaying symptoms. There are few ways to prevent the spread (condoms aren’t even effective) and there are no ways to cure this. You can take suppressive therapy medication for herpes to reduce flare ups and diminish the likelihood of passing the virus to people, but most people do not know they have herpes and can spread it without having flare ups.

The only light at the end of the tunnel following this diagnoses is that there are ways to suppress the virus within you to reduce likelihood and severity of flare ups. You can use Nifedipine to help heal fissures. You can use Lidocaine to numb the region. You can use Aquaphor to keep the region hydrated. You can take Ibuprofen and Tylenol for pain. There are many ways to help, but no ways to cure. I have just been dealing with this on my own when there is medicine available that could have been given to me to help me deal with this and suppress the virus. It’s called Valacyclovir (Valtrex), god forbid anybody needs that plug.

It is so insane. Do whatever you must to avoid having something like this. It is completely unhinged and entirely too easy to get. I was always a skeptic and wanted to have my hookups show me their last STI tests before we did anything together, but never did because that’s a wack vibe kill and who does that? But at this point, I wish I did. But also?!? IT WOULDN’T HAVE HELPED BECAUSE THEY DON’T TEST FOR HERPES!!!

Anywho, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Some things to take away from this are: you know your body best, doctors often times do not know what they are doing, average doctors have no clue how to work with LGBTQIA people, Genital Herpes is no joke despite the way society treats it, and you need to be your own advocate. This whole moment was so stressful, I cannot believe how relieved/validated I feel now knowing that this wasn’t “nothing” the whole time. And relieved is a crazy word to use seeing as though I now have to deal with this virus for the remainder of my life and I am 25 years old.