Admitting this feels embarrassing, but I've given my boyfriend three chances, and he continues to betray my trust. I find myself constantly angry and resentful when I come home. He's my first serious boyfriend, and we moved in together just five months into our relationship.
The last time I caught him cheating (the second time), it was devastating. It felt as if he had plunged a knife into my heart. I lost all trust in him, and now, whenever we have an argument, I immediately want him out of my life. He claims he's not meeting anyone in person, but he gets a thrill from being a 'voyeur.' The problem is, I saw the explicit messages he was sending to other guys... and they were not so innocent. The most recent incident occurred this past weekend while I was away at my parents house, just an hour away. I reluctantly downloaded Grindr to investigate, and unfortunately, I found him on there with pictures and all. I saved screenshots on my phone, but I haven't confronted him about it yet.
So why haven't we broken up yet? Well.. tomorrow, we're moving into a new home together. A house we both chose, designed, and carved our initials into. There's so much on my mind right now, I am overwhelmed... but thankfully the house is only under my name. I feel like I'm in a state of emotional limbo. Some days, I think we can rebuild what he's destroyed, but on others, I'm consumed by resentment. The impending home expenses make it tempting to stay together, especially in this tough economy. However, I can't stay with someone just for financial security.
Emotionally, I can't envision a future with him, and sometimes, I think I should rip the bandaid off now instead of wasting more time. On the other hand, I struggle with the fear of being alone. I felt so lonely before I met him, but I also acknowledge that what I'm going through with him is not right. It feels like I'm the one who's constantly taking the punches to the gut, while he keeps getting rewarded for his bad behavior.