Hey first time posting in this sub my question is for guys that may be like me or have advice for me

I am a blk chubby guy that always thought of myself as straight but I never had a problem with gay ppl I believe you love who u love I even had a lot of gay and pan friends from high school and work now about myself I grew up in a toxic old school family homophobic cousins and grow up where u had to be strong in that environment I locked my emotions as a kid so much so that I never felt anything never had real relationships I’m a nice guy but never could understand ppl emotion

Fast forward to 2021 I got Covid almost died was in the hospital for 4 months my mental health took a big hit I suffered from severe depression for years, but my family never understood or they didn’t want to understand so I went about my life never understanding mental health not to mention Covid permanently affected my body

fast forward to me getting out of the hospital my gay friend from work who always been chill with me and was one of the people that were constantly hitting me up while I was in the hospital messaged me and wanted to chill with me so I was like yeah long story short, we hooked up and he gave me some good head which started me to realize that I am infact pansexual I didn’t do anything else after that but this past November, I started to finally hook up with guys and found out that I am in fact a dom top I enjoys it but my biggest problem because of how bad my mental health I get into my head when on apps like grindr I have had a lot of hook ups where I have been complemented on my cock size and ppl didn’t care I was a bigger guy but my mind only focus on the rejections and I think maybe bc my cock too small 6.5inchs or bc I’m disgusting those are the thoughts that go in my head now I am a hood dressing big guy not a sloppy big guy at all just my confidence has been destroyed by my mental health

So my question is what do y’all tell yourself or how do u deal with ur mental health when ur feeling like that any tips or pointers to help me with my confidence I am currently seeing a therapist and on my weight lost journey but just wanted to hear from others that may feel or understand my struggles