So, I went to an orgy hosted by a fella I met on Grindr last night. It was… not fun. There were like 8-10 other guys and they were all good friends and so much older than me (I’m 21, they’re late 30s to 40s) and I’m there meeting them in a dark room for the first time. Maybe they could tell I was nervous or maybe it’s my fault for being too quiet and scared but idk it’s like… I just felt so unwanted.

Like I’d be sucking a fella and he’d be all engaged with someone else. I get that it’s an orgy but if I’m sucking your dick I’d like to at least be a little bit acknowledged. Also not one person ate me out or sucked my dick. Maybe it’s because I didn’t ask anyone but how was I supposed to? They were all avoiding me, acting like I don’t exist. I’d be sitting waiting for someone to come up to me and no one would and I just felt so ugly. I’d be forthcoming and try to suck dick and be met with nothing. Like at least just say no so I don’t waste my time there. The worst part is there was another bottom there who was meeting them all for the first time and he was very popular.

So it’s like, am I just ugly? I can’t blame racism this time. I don’t know. Worst part is I left an umbrella there.