TLDR: how can white people help to call out racism without speaking for black people?

Since being raised hella conservative, I have come a long way from the beliefs that my family imparted on me, but I also recognize that I still have a long ways to go (maybe farther than many other people because of that initial setback?). I also recognize that my newer beliefs aren't always aligned with my words/ actions because of unexamined/ unconscious biases and lack of information.

Right now in my journey to understand black history in the US and racism as a systemic problem, I feel like I'm at an impass. On one hand, I have been explicitly asked by PoC to call out racism and to stop being complicit as a bystander. I recognize there is an amount of exhaustion that comes from simply existing in a system that is structured to be oppressive, nevermind trying to help everyone else understand how that works. I want to be able to take some of the burden of education off of those who are already dealing with the effects of racism in their own lives. But maybe that's not something I can do at all as a white person?

Yesterday I tried to call out another white person on his racist take. On a post where someone pointed out the resistance of white people to respect black culture and history in regards to a black art form, an older white man claimed that he and the people he knows do not ever talk about skin color and therefore racism is not an issue within their community. When I explained that the art form came from black culture during the era of segregation, was subject to racially motivated bans, and that we therefore cannot say that racism and the art form are completely unconnected (things I thought I was taught by black experts in said art form, but maybe I have rephrased in an untrue or unhelpful way? Or referenced at an inappropriate time?), I was told by a third person who is black to "stop speaking for black people".

The person who told me this is not willing to engage further. This is fine, of course, as I know and mentioned: educating others takes time and effort. I know that those who are willing to educate others at all have to pick and choose who they believe are worth that energy. This person clearly does not think that I am worth that work and explicitly told me that they don't think I value their opinion. I cannot immediately recall any significant past interactions with this person, so I can only assume they developed this belief from previous comments I've made in online spaces we both frequent. I want to be the type of person that PoC recognize as someone who listens, but obviously I'm not there yet. I'm left with a lot of questions, but since I can't pose them on that comment thread, I'm hoping someone here has more hope in me: a stranger on the internet that is trying to learn, instead of me: another white person engaging in an art form that she has no cultural history with.

I really don't want to take this recent interaction personally so that I can recognize it as an opportunity to learn, but I am feeling frustrated that none of what I've learned so far has been sufficient to even be seen as someone who wants to support PoC.

This question is probably too broad but my main confusion lives here: How can white people call out racism without speaking for black people? Or are those two things mutually exclusive? • Is there another space besides "complicit bystander" and "calling it out" that I should be occupying? • What is the baseline level of education that white people should have before engaging in conversations about race with other white people? • Should white people even engage in conversations about race with other white people at all? Or should we be shutting conversations like that down unless/ until a PoC is a part of it?

And the scariest question: • What do you think I'm missing? Obviously I'm just telling my perspective of the story which is going to be affected by unconscious bias, but it seems like the good people of this sub have an eye for identifying areas that need to change.

I hope my curiosity and desire to learn are coming across here. 🙏🏼 I feel like a terrible person for giving PoC the impression that I don't value their opinions but I also know that my white guilt is useless and I just need to figure out how to do better.