Hello! This requires a bit of context: I am a 22 year old guy, with anxiety and depression. After high-school, the depression and anxiety got worse, and I just felt very lost. I ended up becoming a bit of a hermit and shut-in, which further worsened things, and as covid came around, it became an easy way to excuse my reclusion. I probably left the house like 10 times during 2020 and 2021, it was pretty bad. I ended up getting on meds and going to therapy, and have made a lot of progress in the last 1.5-2 years or so.

But I still am quite reclusive. I live with my parents, and go outside to garden, but I don't really have any independence, can't drive, and am still very afraid of entering the "real" world. I do go out, like to stores or restaurants occasionally, with my family, but that's it.

Part of the reclusion is my sleep. I tend to sleep for long hours, and for awhile was sleeping from 5AM to 5PM. I think I feel more independent during nighttime. But during nighttime I engage in all my worst habits. I eat tons of food (I'm 300 lbs), I waste time scrolling or otherwise doing things that don't mean much to me, and I try to find girls to talk to here on Reddit.

So needless to say, I don't have an especially active social life, thus why I talk to girls here on Reddit. I do have two irl friends I stay in touch with through Discord, and a few online friends. But I want some sort of intimate/sexual and emotional connection, and someone who I feel comfortable being vulnerable with.

But I also don't want a serious relationship, because I'm insecure/jealous, and my ex-gf cheated on me. I just don't want to get hurt again, and I also worry my insecurity will hurt who I'm with, which was a problem with my gf.

But is it a bad idea to go looking for this online? Is it possible at all that I could have a casual online relationship, that is intimate and meaningful, without being a serious relationship? Or am I just wanting to have my cake and eat it too?

I understand I should try to find a girlfriend or some other sort of relationships irl. But I still feel afraid of going places and doing things irl, so I feel talking online with girls is like a way to improve my ability to talk to girls, which I can eventually transfer to irl. But I'm admittedly afraid of dating and meeting new people and trying new things. So I can see how talking to girls online is not really me getting out of my comfort-zone.

Also with my sleep, I have a ton of difficulty fixing this. But this is related to my issues in general, as I'll be talking to girls or trying to find girls to talk to super late at night. I also feel I try to do my projects at night, because I feel I don't have much time in the day, but then I'm tired and the stuff I'm trying to accomplish likely takes way longer as a result. But even when I'm not doing much, I still tend to stay up late, I think because I feel like I have independence from my family, and can just do whatever I want at night.

Anyway, apologies for all this writing. I just want to be really proactive in fixing my life, as I think I've been too passive in my self-improvement generally. Thanks for any responses!