Hello dear reader. I am aware that not everyone on the Internet is kind and English is often an offensive language that can be misconstrued but I am asking from the deepest places in my mind for some real assistance in clarity.

To preface I am nonbinary amab, I changed my iD and have been "out" for like 10 years in various groups of people and now it's just well know despite my very masculine and unedited appearance. I am panromantic and have an extreme phallophobia. The visual representation of the genitalia is just very unpleasant. I don't have a physical visceral reactions as I have experienced much from s.assult to gun violence. but internally, internally I have such a gut wrenching reaction to seeing and or experiencing others and sometimes my own genitalia.

The question I have is how do I communicate this to up and coming partners without seeming homophobic? I date trans men all the time. I have spoken to trans women and wanted to pursue platonic engagements but have been met with waves of shaming and guilt tactics such as saying I am denying my own feelings, I haven't tried with the right person, that I'm a chaser, the list could indeed go on but those are plenty to send me back into a hole.

I have a loving partner who is also enby and they are accepting of my autosexuality and asexual engagement with sex being more a task to complete rather than a fulfilling engagement. Like yes, I want you to cum, but unless I know what you like I am winging it. When I learn what you like I began filling the order. I'm not likely to switch it up as many if not all of my partners have scars from assault and surprises have triggered full on cry sessions while I am inside them. Which causes a full stop and then care need be doled out appropriate levels.

I love love love trans men because I feel like they represent the yang to my yin but I'm more in the middle than I care to be some days. Trans women have been respectful to an extent but still get pushy when. It starts getting around sex or kissing. I simply don't feel anything from those activities with those bodies when I have leaned in to experiment. If I could parable, it is like when black people say their is no seasoning in white cooking. When I am engage with people whom have phallic members there is no "seasoning", you know what I mean?

Any who I want what everyone else wants, love.

I asked this on lex last year and got attacked in the Portland server...

Doing my best to find appropriate levels of communication so I and the person(s) I am attracted to can have mutual engagement.