I don’t know if this is the right place for this but yeah. Sorry for the rant. Just feeling a bit lousy thinking about it, and thought typing it out and maybe having some advice might make me feel better. Two things have been on my mind, my loneliness, and also me being anxious about a new education journey and life path.

So I’m starting a full time media course in poly soon, after doing a levels at jc (and failing) and also finishing my ns. I’ll be like five years older than everyone and I don’t know whether to reveal it to them, if they’d judge me and stuff.

I was always very quiet in primary and secondary school, like I’d never talk for the entire school day unless the teacher asked me something. So in Jc I tried to change and participate in more stuff, like student council and seminars, but it impacted my work and I was also a bit depressed because I felt like the ppl who attended those stuff were more well put together and more vocal and stuff compared to me. This negative image of myself and my lack of studying at the start of jc, as well as me being too quiet to make study groups made me retain the first year and also fail after another 2 years after gradually losing self confidence. Sometimes I compare myself to my elder sister who’s done well acad-wise and a doctor and feel terrible abt myself.

My family told me to explore other options aft this, and I just did ns and tried to research options and passions. Attempted a private diploma in the mean time during ns just to explore. I finally settled on the poly media course when ns ended, because I’m interested in films and cinematography and stuff, but I’ve nvr done anything like it before, and I hope I don’t feel differently abt it aft going for the course. I’m also scared of having a lot of group work at poly, because I used to be quite quiet. I’m changing now but not at other ppl’s confidence lvl yet. And I’m still building a personality and also figuring out what to say what not to say since last time I really nvr talk.

I also feel like I’m a very lonely person from being really shy when I was younger and nvr talking to anyone. During ns I did talk to ppl, but I feel like I will never have close friends because as guys I think we tend to stick to childhood friends and everyone else is acquaintance. I don’t have those childhood friends while others do, and I will be just an acquaintance to them. Like after ns while waiting for the course to start, I start to realise I’m quite lonely. I also don’t have like close cousins, and my only sibling is like older and married, and usually working. (Also, I have been going for therapy recently if that’s your advice haha. Sry for long post, tks for reading)