Both early 30s. Married almost 8yrs. 3yrs together before that. 3 kids (11, 6 & 1). House. Dog. All that stuff.

Been rocky the whole marriage. Same usual story. Alpha pre marriage. Too much Alpha after. Then beta followed. Drunk captain.

Had the ILYBNILWY talk 8 months ago. She's not happy and not sure what will make her happy. I didn't plead for her to stay. Just said I'm changing to be a better me. Found RP. Started reading (NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSP, MAP and was half way through Saving A Low Sex Marriage) and lifting (5x5 starting at bar only and got up to 195 squat 155 bench and 225 do). Started spotting comfort/shit tests. Didn't pass them well all the time. Started thinking things were improving. I was down 35lbs. She even complimented me a few times how much my chest and arms were getting bigger. Sex went from monthly to weekly. I started classes back up at community college.

Dad died 4 months ago. She was there for me as more than I think I would have been there for her. That lasted 2 months. I fell off what I was doing and didn't lift/read/eat right/started smoking again.

She went cold and checked out again. Cold. Ignoring when alone. No physical touch. Brushed off any complements I gave her.

After coming back from a family vacation last week, where the above kept going, and the past 4 days at home... I couldn't STFU any longer. I said all this with a calm and collected approach.

Me: So I'm reading the writing on the walls and this is over.

Her: what do you mean?

M: This marriage. You don't seem to want it anymore.

H: Yea that's how I feel on most days.

M: Ok. I understand you are not happy. And I also understand that I can only control my happiness. So if a divorce is what you want, it's probably best we stay amicable in dealing with it to make it smoother.

M: Do you want the house? (I only asked because I don't want it either and was not asking as in offering)

H: No

M: Are you going to fight me for child custody?

H: No. You are a wonderful father and the kids would only be hurt if you were not there for them as much as I was.

M: (After a minute) I guess that's that.

I got up, hugged my youngest child and left for a few hours to talk to a friend.

I've already talked to a few lawyers (stay plan is same as go plan). Don't have enough in savings for retainer since I've been aggressively paying off debts for the past year to move our family to a new bigger house. So going to have to borrow from 401k.

I get it. I have no one to blame but myself. I am responsible for my own life. This just sucks going through this. And having my kids go through this.