You're probably confused after reading that title, but I feel like it's a hard sentiment to convey in few words.

I grew up in one of the (and according to some sources at the time, the number one) whitest major cities in america, and went to a not super diverse middle school followed by a high school that was 85% white. And honestly almost all of the few asian kids at my high school fit the asian stereotype of being fairly nerdy, quiet, kinda meek, and also happening to be on the smaller side and slightly built.

I'm no giant, but I am between 6'2" and 6'3" and was an 8 year varsity athlete (4 high school, 4 college) who has always been fairly athletically built, even as a kid. I basically always tracked along the same path on the growth chart, so I was generally among the bigger kids in my class.

Growing up I definitely felt this pressure that I had to represent every asian kid with what I was doing, and that I personally had to be the one to show people that the stereotypes don't always apply. And that extended beyond simply doing sports. I feel like this also made me standoffish and sometimes overly aggressive because I also had to be the one combating the idea that asian men are scared or pushovers and I had the size to do so. I used to hear that people thought I looked scary and took that as a good thing. Even now I can get pressed pretty quickly and am not good at de-escalating, and I think this is a direct result of growing up where I did.

Basically I feel like this is a relatively niche experience that I'm sure not everyone would feel in the same scenario. I haven't really met another asian american guy who grew up in the same setting, and I feel like most guys I've told about it kind of just nod their head in agreement without fully getting it. In my experience asian girls don't get it at all, but that's understandable since the asian guy vs girl experience in the US is so vastly different.