It would account for quite a lot, but one thing I'm getting hung up on, is that, while I'm not attracted to individuals in these ways (although I do experience sensual and aesthetic attraction), and I am certainly not allo in sex or romance, I still want/prefer sex and especially romance. I enjoy the experiences and the bonds they tend to produce. But the attraction to the individual ain't there. Just the generic cravings, the libidos. At least if I'm understanding myself to a decent degree.

That always has tripped me up. How can I be ace or aro I want a monogamous sexual and romantic relationship? I have a sexual libido, even though it's not particularly strong when I'm alone and has been known to hibernate, but becomes very active once I'm in a relationship. And I have a romantic libido, too, for lack of a better phrase on my part, and I really like and crave romance. Which initially turned me off from considering myself aro or ace. But I've read that I can have these and still be aro and ace, since the urge is there and the desire, but it's more just out there, and not prompted or drawn out by individuals, although it can be fulfilled by them. I never just meet someone and feel like having sex with them, just meet someone and feel romantic. It feels way more...out there. I can want them in a sensual or aesthetic sense, and recognize in the future there could be sex and romance, but they're thoughts I weigh, not feelings I have on account of this person, an attraction that draws me to this person. I'm not sure how to explain it.

I enjoy pleasing the other sexually and expressing myself sexually and talking all about the beautiful sexual congress I had with your mother last night, and I really, really enjoy expressing romantic affection and being the object of romantic affection. It's just that, I don't experience the attraction for the other individual involved, but I do have the urge and desire that I would like another individual to satisfy. It's like being hungry, I guess, but not for a particular food, and definitely not prompted by the presence of a particular food. It's like, I'm hungry, I would like to eat, oh this mushroom pizza is available and seems like a good candidate for being cheesy in my mouth, alright. This is yummy. Yum. I'm a mushroom pizza gal now. This is how I'll satisfy my hunger from now on. But my hunger isn't going to make me dream about mushroom pizza, make me miss mushroom pizza when it's gone for its taste, make me crave mushroom pizza for that particular aspect of it, although I'll miss its emotional comfort. It's familiar, knows me, even told me it loved me, and I loved it. Okay, maybe this isn't a good analogy. But you get the idea. It feels kinda like that with sex and romance. The urge feels more located in myself, detached from the particular object that could satisfy it. But I have the urge and want it satisfied because it's nice when it is.

I am concerned that if I use these labels (assuming they are accurate enough with a certain tolerance), it will connote that I don't want sex, don't want romance, don't want a relationship, don't want monogamy, etc., that I'm not to be regarded in any way as potential relationship material. It's not so much "This individual attracts me this way" as it is "This person is now someone appropriate for me to express myself this way toward". For a while, I thought I was double demi (Dos Lovatos?), demisexual and demiromantic, because the allo experience just wasn't mine, but it seems for me not to be not so much "Get close and develop a connection and then this attraction kicks in" as it is "Evaluate the person and if they want something with you, activate/direct the romantic and sexual part of myself toward them; this part of you can be satisfied now". It feels way more...indifferent, controllable, than it seems to be for allo types. I prefer sex, but I don't need sex. And I prefer romance, but I don't need romance. But I do want cuddles, some kisses and touchies, friendship with my partner, and to be considered beautiful by my partner and to consider my partner beautiful. I do want a special life partner person.

I want a Beloved, but I am not sexually or romantically drawn to the person who becomes the Beloved, even if Beloved now for me, by habit and repetition and mutual recognition, now has this face, this personality, these needs, these quirks, these flaws, these burdens, these joys, this voice. I know they're the person with whom to express these urges and desires, so I express them. I honestly feel proud to be like this, because then my interest in the other is more freely given, more freely chosen, an act of will, and not so contingent upon some emotion or drive that can vanish, not appetitive, not so subject to my passions.

What are y'all's thoughts? I'm concerned that since I'm not sex-repulsed, have these generic indifferent desires, would prefer a relationship involving these things, I might be appropriating what aro and ace are if I started using those labels. It doesn't seem like how others describe being aro ace, so I'd like some guidance.

Edit: Oh and I want to be considered sexy. Like I want others to want me in a sexual capacity, even though it doesn't do anything for me, so to speak. I'm like, oh others feel sexual attraction, I want to be an object of sexual desire, that is something I want to be, I like how people regard me that way, it helps me feel valuable and powerful. Similar with romance.

Second edit: Oh and it's weird because I feel like the same way towards all genders, so my preference feels more a decision of the head than a passion of the heart. I think "Oh I'm gonna be straight now for a while" or "Oh time to be lesbian" or "Let's be pan" and each feels authentic at the moment because I'm deciding that's what I want, for one reason or another—maybe I'm preferring how a certain woman is acting towards me, or I just watched Stargate and am obsessed with Daniel Jackson, or maybe I'm in a place where I prefer the dynamic I have with men. And I'm wondering if potential aro ace could have anything to do with that.

Third edit: Been looking at this, and it seems like I could be aro ace after all https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/wiki/the_spectra