Tbh, I'm writing this out for myself more than anyone else, but feel free to read, and I'll read your comments if you want to reply. (I mention physical descriptions of arousal and some sex-like things, if that needs to be a CW)

The labels that seem to fit me are greysexual, demiromantic, all hetero. The next to paragraphs explain how and why I use these labels. Read if you're interested, but they're probably skippable.

I've had a hard time figuring out these labels, so here's where I am with them. I can definitely find women hot, by which I mean that I get physically aroused by them, and as a cis man, for me that means my penis getting hard, and my mind wanting to focus on her body, imagine her naked, wanting to touch her breasts, etc. (I obviously don't stare or do any of these things, since that would be creepy, but it's definitely what I want to do.) However, no part of what I'm imagining or wanting is about sex. I don't fantasize about actually having sex with women, and didn't even realize that was part of sexual attraction. When I watch porn or masturbate, I watch or think about things related to my kinks, but none of those include sex. When my girlfriend and I became comfortable enough around each other naked, I became aroused by her breasts, but not her vagina. As of a few weeks ago, she was willing to start doing something that resembled oral sex, and the main reason I asked about her comfort with it is because I thought it would feel good, and not because it's something I fantasize about often or masturbate to often. So, that's why I'm greysexual; I experience something that I think can only be described as sexual attraction, yet I never have the craving for vaginal sex, and the only reason I might have an interest in oral sex is because it would feel good, similar to how a bowl of ice cream on a hot day would be good, not out of a sexual craving.

As for demiromanticism, I definitely think a lot about whether I'd want to date someone, without knowing them well, but that's more out of a sense of a checklist of "does she meet xyz criteria of the kind of partner I want to have" and not out of a romantic craving towards them. But when I become close friends with a woman, I can start to develop romantic feelings towards them, regardless of my criteria; it's how I started feeling interested in my girlfriend, we were really good friends first. So, therefore, demiromantic.

At the same time, I worry that I'm just allo, and overthinking this. Maybe allo people attracted to women also find vaginas not particularly sexy (though that's not what I've seen from how allo straight men act), idk. And as much as I hate the 'special snowflake' rhetoric used to dismiss and invalidate people who are actually queer, I worry that I am overthinking this, want to feel like I'm special, so have found a creative way of interpreting these labels such that I can technically count, when really, I'm not that interesting.

It doesn't matter how accepting or how welcoming you all are and can be. I know you want to say, "don't worry, you're valid." And that may be true. And your actions will even show it to be true. But internally, whenever I'm in LGBT there's this feeling that I don't belong. Despite how the reality does not reflect that feeling.

And in daily life, I don't really talk about it, but people probably assume I'm straight. Not because I'm in the closet—if I know you well enough and you're interested in hearing and it's relevant somehow, I'm happy to tell you—but because you saw how long my description of my labels are. It's just easier to appear straight, especially since that's not exactly lying: I do feel sexual attraction towards women; I do feel romantic attraction towards women, just not exactly the way straight people seem to.

I feel like I'm close enough to being straight that I'm not a part of the LGBT community. As I said above, it's not because of gatekeeping. And honestly, I don't care. At the same time as not feeling like I belong in LGBT spaces, I also don't feel a need to. It's obviously important for people who do need those spaces, but I'm just not one of those people.

I don't know if I even answered the question of the title, but that's ok. Just some thoughts I've been having, as Pride month is here.