My husband is grumpy today. It’s been two weeks since we last had sex and that’s all he can handle before he’s sexual frustrated and being a giant jerk.

I don’t understand how not doing this one specific activity is so devastating for people. It feels ridiculous and it feels like punishment for not being ready to go all the time.

It’s not like I don’t enjoy it I just don’t have interest most of the time. I barely even want to be touched most of the time.

It’s not fair to either of us in some ways. But I have decided I don’t have to be this level of intimate if I’m not 100% wanting it, that’s done nothing but leave a gross feeling my entire life. And not having sex won’t kill somebody. I honestly feel sometimes like he is somehow having an addiction even though I’ve been his partner for fifteen years. And I’ve been like this the entire time. I only came into my identity as ace this year though. So up until now it’s been recurring stretches of me having zero interest and him getting frustrated and pissy and me trying to be more interested and failing spectacularly.

The kicker is we are poly, so like he could do whatever he wants but apparently nobody else satisfies whatever need he has. It’s so goddamn frustrating and I just don’t understand. I hate how much this one thing matters to people and how it matters so much that you could bend over backwards every day for somebody but if you don’t get naked then the rest doesn’t count for shit.