I'm someone who has been (not actively but) questioning being aro for 2 years, now coming to realise i might just be extremely anti-relationship or emotionally unabailable.

i have been in a relationship before but it was really on and off and i wouldnt even want to consider that person to have been my s/o looking back and this was part of the realization that i absolutely despise the thought of dating

This could also just be not wanting to be in a relationship because of the first one being bad and I don't know if the crushes i get are even people i actually like, it's mostly just the pressure of picking someone since people cant take no for an answer and just wanting to fill the hole of being alone by throwing your hyperfixation on someone just to not feel alone?

Like someone a few months back confessed to me, gave me time and i thought it was someone i could really get to like if i tried (but i also dont think of someone with the intention of having feelings or considering rhe possibility of that? as in a if feelings happen to grow then they grow kind of thing?)

Right so that person gave me space and time and it was someone who'd genuinely be nice and caring in a relationship. I did end up turning them down with just being scared of relationships? If anything goes wrong like i understand healthy relationships have their hard times but i just dont want to have to deal with that stuff, thinking that things would have just been better if we stayed as friend or just that any inconvenience would make me want to crawl out of it and these emotions could just be anxiety

I've never really wanted to be in a relationship, sure i have felt alone, wanting someone to just be home and comfort but i despise the idea of being in one. I don't like the thought of every decision i make to one way or another affect someone else or have this pressure to talk to eachother

I like being able to disappear for days to get my space and the other person knowing it doesnt affect our bond if we havent talked in a few days but ive also considered the option of no labels and not liked the idea of it either, i just in general dont like the idea of romantically being in a relationship with someone.

How did people here reaffirm their orientation, what made you like confirm it. Am i being aro or just anti-relationship?