Tldr - are there people in aro/allo relationships that work?

So for the last couple years I've been trying to deal with my husband's low sex drive and I've done everything I can to make it easier since I have a high libido. This includes increasing dosage of my antidepressants, counseling, new sex toys, you name it. I've talked to my husband about it more times than I can remember and so far he's done nothing about it since sex is important to me and when we first started dating it was all the time! Then slowly it dwindled down and then around the time we got married (almost 4 years) it just dropped. I'm lucky if we have sex once a month and even then, it's missionary and done the second he finishes. No aftercare, no sweet words, just back to business as usual.

So I talk to him about it (like I do every few months) and finally remind him all the things that I've done to meet him so we can both be happy and how I get nothing except more affection (kisses, cuddles, hand holding) for a week or so and then it's over again. I told him I'm not happy and the ball is in his court. I've asked him to go to the Dr to get hormones tested to see if it's that since he used to have a REALLY high sex drive, but he never did it because "he's fine with how things are" and I've been slowly bringing up asexual things and pushing him to look into it since I've done so much teaching already. The emotional labour is draining.

So today after I gave him a counselor to call (he asked me to look some up for him) and then he looks into ace things and tells me he definitely falls under ace spectrum and probably aro as well. So we talk about it and I'm just keeping quiet so that he has space to talk (this is how we are when he has something serious to talk about it, not just me shutting down).

So. We're married but no kids (neither of us wants them) and I'm wondering if this is all a performance where the last 7 years have been him just acting how he thinks he should act OR have things just changed? Has anyone else been through this or something similar? I've thought about opening the marriage just for me to hook up with others, but I want that to be a last resort and haven't brought it up. I can have sex without Feelings but I am not doing well with Feelings without sex if that makes sense?

Anyway. I'll take any advice I can get