I’m seeing this question asked here a lot, and the answer is subjective, but here’s my perspective:

Romantic attraction can be hard to pin down because it’s often described with feelings that overlap with what we might experience in close friendships. The key difference, as I’ve come to understand, is that romantic attraction typically involves a desire for an exclusive connection that includes elements like romantic gestures, longing, and the idea of building a life together. It’s that “spark” people talk about, where you see someone not just as a friend, but as someone you want to share everything with on an intimate, emotional, and even contractual level. I don’t want to say it’s like owning each other’s souls with a signature, as the devil has sometimes been depicted to do, but maybe it’s more like Ursula in The Little Mermaid, except it’s not just your voices, but your whole selves you’re signing away. But yes, definitely including your voices too, and your soul, so I guess yeah, marriage is exactly the same as making a deal with the devil and also Ursula the sea witch. I didn’t make these rules!

On the other hand, platonic attraction is about a strong bond and connection, but it’s rooted purely in friendship. You care deeply about the person thriving as an individual beyond your friendship with them, but you can want to be around them all the time and might even show affection, yet there’s no romantic layer to it. It’s about enjoying each other's company, supporting one another, and maybe even being physically close, without that romantic or sexual desire (this can get muddy because I have enjoyed sharing my solosexuality with friends, and it’s been great, but we were both consenting and it developed naturally).

For those of us who are aromantic, the traditional aspects of romantic love and sexuality might not be present. But that doesn’t mean we don’t experience deep bonds or attraction. In fact, because we may not have a primary romantic partner due to our lack of romantic feelings, it’s entirely possible that we direct that energy and desire for connection into our platonic relationships. This means that the bonds we form with our platonic partners can be incredibly deep and significant, sometimes even more so than the typical romantic relationships others experience.

An important thing to consider is how oxytocin, often called the "love hormone," plays a role in these feelings. This hormone is largely responsible for the bonding experience we call love. It’s possible that people metabolize oxytocin differently or even have a deficiency, which might explain why some people, including myself, identify as aromantic. In my case, I’ve come to view my aromanticism as a superpower. It gives me a unique perspective on what I call the “love and lust industry,” keeping me from falling into the trap of wasting time and money on relationships that don’t provide a reasonable return on investment. Instead, I focus my energy on building meaningful platonic connections that truly enrich my life.

What I’ve also come to realize is that just because I don’t experience romantic attraction doesn’t mean I don’t long for deep, committed connections. I’ve found that I can experience a profound love for my platonic friends, and it’s completely valid to want to build a life together with them. For some of us, that might look like living under the same roof, waking up every day knowing that your best friend is right there, supporting each other in all the ways that matter. You might even consider adopting children together or creating a family structure that works for both of you, without the traditional dating, mating, and romancing.

When I found out I was aromantic, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I finally understood why I didn’t enjoy romantic relationships the way others did, and it wasn’t because something was wrong with me. It was simply because I didn’t experience romantic attraction. Instead, I’ve learned to cherish my platonic friendships and the deep connections I have without the pressure to turn them into something romantic.

So, if you feel all those things for your friends but don’t have that romantic spark, even with someone you might want to be physically intimate with, that’s okay. It’s possible you might be on the aromantic spectrum, or you just experience relationships differently. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, and figuring this out is a personal journey. The important thing is to listen to yourself and embrace what feels true to you, even if it doesn’t fit the traditional mold of what society expects. You’re not alone in this, and you are currently a part of introducing the concept of this romantic identity to the world which is both difficult and exciting. I look forward to learning what the differences between romantic and platonic end up being to you.